My Secret Love Affair

17 08 2010

What did I do and what do I do now…..

 Ok…. So after the first date’s kiss….which was just a small peck….although I wanted to jump on, fully devour and digest him…. I restrained myself and it was just a simple good night kiss….just enough to get a taste and leave a strong desire for wanting more….

 And while our second, third and forth dates have been great…. And the kissing has gotten deeper and longer I am constantly asking myself what did I do…

 Our friendship has not changed… in fact I think its growing stronger…which is a good thing…

 What has changed is our work relationship…while I love keeping things on the low…and I find it very exciting…its getting harder and harder to do…. And I think people are starting to notice…

 Now when he sits in my office work is not mentioned, in company meetings we are finishing each others sentences and bringing up conversations that were not had in a business frame of mind…. We are eyeballing each other from across the room  and there’s a lot of giggling and smiling…. We walk past each other and our hands automatically reach for each others hand….then we realize where we are.

 I feel like I am in a secret love affair….and I actually like it…. I mean we are grown right…. We shouldn’t have to hide this… we are both single, willing and eager to date each other…. Right….

 We are trying our best to keep business from getting personal….but I don’t think its working….. Our lives are intertwining and interchanging…. And we can’t stop it….. But that’s a good thing…..

 It will all be out in the open soon enough…. He told me the other day…he has always had a desire to be a chef and have his own restaurant… he wanted to know if I would still like him if he was to start a new career…..

 Is he crazy….LIKE HIM?

 I told him I would stand by him in whatever he decided to do…as long as he was doing it for him and not for me, that I didn’t want him to give up his dream job or happiness and regret it later….

 He said I make him happy and he thinks he would regret it he didn’t pursue our relationship fully…

Aaaawwwww.. C’mon guys… you gotta love him….

 None the less, I think it may be too soon in our relationship to make such life changing moves…. But that could just be my trust issues kicking in….

 Speaking of too soon…he wants to take me to see a Broadway show in NY….. This would require an overnight stay possibly a whole weekend….  That’s a big step…

But we are adults….we could sleep together without sleeping together…right….

Oh how i miss the days of just crushing…

 Should I go…. Would you…. We will see…

 Till then,

 Hey Gorgeous….meet me in the coat room at noon 😉

 Hope





You Are Music To My Ears

9 08 2010

You know sometimes when you just cant find the words to say, a song comes on the radio that just says it for you.

As I sit here looking in your eyes, these words from my favorite song comes to mind….

 How did you get here, nobody’s supposed to be here.

Remember those walls I built, baby there tumbling down

I know you see me watching you and I see you watching me, temptation is calling, got me wanting you so bad I could cry

 You’re the kind of guy that makes a guy that makes a girl smile, You’re the kind of guy that drives a girl wild,

 I’m saving every voice mail, reading in between the lines, All of a sudden my vision became so clear, I want you exclusive

 You have become like a bad habit, the more I consume you, the more I gotta have you….

 From the moment your lips said hi, I pictured your name with mine

 I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did, you got me thinking of us a house and kids, Love knocked me on my face, in this race, I’ve already won 1st place

 I’ll admit I was scared to answer loves call, but it hit and is worth the fall, Love knocks you down

 I don’t believe we were put together, not to be together.

 I never knew love like this before

How did you know, cause I never told, you found out, I’ve got a crush on you

 So baby hold me, like you don’t wanna let go… I’m feeling foxy, now that I’ve had a taste of your honey I want the whole bee hive…

Work it out

 SEXY CAN I…..

I like your smile

 When you look in my eyes, I get emotional

You turning me on

 We fell in love with just one kiss

 It’s too big, too wide, won’t fit…. He got a big…. EGO 😉

Share my world

 I think I    L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

 You’re the one for me

Hey Gorgeous,

Still playing it cool, but its getting hot in here…

Hope





Are You Listening To me?

6 08 2010

First Date

 

Ok so when he asked me where I wanted to go, I said the typical girl thing…. I don’t know…anywhere is fine…. 

Now mind you, me and this man have had conversations over the past 2 years or so…about everything…and I do mean everything… 

Remember we were just friends and co-workers.  It was not our intention to start a dating relationship.  So our past conversations have been about dating, sex, friendship, love, men and women….we have even talked about our bad dates and given each other advice on our genders and dating.  We have discussed in somewhat too intimate details our likes and dislikes….and now as I sit here and write this… I wonder if somehow in the back of our minds we knew this day would come and we were just preparing ourselves for it….. Anyway… 

I told him I didn’t care what we did as long as I could wear jeans….since my last birthday  I have developed a jean and boot fetish… 

So when he arrived I was happy to see that he was wearing jeans…. An although I could tell they were brand new… I must say, he looked very good in them… 

 I asked where we were going and he said it’s a surprise…. Now let me back track a little… this date had originally been set for 6:30 pm, but during the week when we talked he asked if we could change it to a late lunch type thing and do it around 4:00 instead…of course I agreed, but I couldn’t help wondering if this was because he wanted to get it over and done with….you know do it early so if it wasn’t going well he could breakout and not have his whole night ruined… 

 So as I opened the door…he is holding a bouquet…. Now in past conversations I know I mentioned hate flowers….well hate is a strong word…I very strongly dislike flowers… I know that’s weird…what woman doesn’t like flowers…this one…. I don’t even like fake ones…Now I am thankful and cordial to anyone who gives them to me…but lets just say they are starved for attention and die quickly…so when I see him standing there with a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries… you know the kind you get from those edible bouquet places… I can’t imagine how crazy I must have looked with he biggest grin ever…because he listened when I said I didn’t like flowers and that chocolate covered strawberries were my absolute favorite thing in the world….wow…. 

 So we get in the car and are not lacking in conversation….but I notice we have been driving well over an hour and a half… so of course now I am wondering if he is that ax murder again and is taking me somewhere where they will never find the body….remember guys I have trust issues…so this is hard for me…. So again I ask where we are going and he says, softly “be patient”…. the nerve. 

 So when we pull up to the parking lot of our destination… I couldn’t help but look perplexed… 

A dinner theater.  Showing GREASE no less….what the heck was he thinking….we drove over 2 hours to see Grease… 

I tried to smile like…. Oh I’ve always wanted to see group of bad and unknown actors react an old 80’s film…but he knows me all to well and before we walked in he said he could tell I was not happy, and asked if I wanted to go somewhere else…of course I said no… I mean we drove all this way…he must be a big Grease fan…. Then he said he thought I would enjoy something like this….WHY… 

He went on to say…. “ When we first met, I asked you , why would you move from a great city like NY to this small country town, and what you missed most about NY, and you told me ‘going to  Broadway shows and dinner with your girlfriends’… so this is the closest thing to Broadway I could think of without actually taking you to Broadway…which I thought might be too much for a first date” 

                                        Aaaaaaawwwwwww 

Can you guys see why I love this man? 

 What could I say….A man who actually listens to what I have said and took it into consideration when planning our first date…. 

The only thing I was thinking is ….somebody is going to get some tonight 🙂 

 SOOOO… the play sucked, but the food turned out to be surprisingly good, the conversation was engaging, the ride home was not long enough, …and we made plans for a second date….can’t wait to see he has planned… 

You guys want me to play it cool, I don’t know if I can.  Could You? 

 We will see.  

By the way those strawberries were perfectly sweet, but they paled in comparison to the taste of his lips.  

We just kissed people. 

 Thank You Gorgeous 

 Hope





Anticipation

29 07 2010

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope





First Date, 1st base or Home Run, How Far Do You Go?

12 07 2010

Ok… I may be a little out of the loop here…. How far do you go on a first date these days….

Back in my day…wow I never thought I’d ever say that….anyway…you never  kissed on the first date and definitely didn’t go any further unless you were that type of girl….

 According to my kids at the youth center…. The game has changed…. First base is no longer kissing or holding hands….but its doing other things with your mouth, the you skip straight to the home run…. What’s happening here… am I so out of touch with he dating world….

 I am a god Christian woman…. I would never think of doing any of those things with someone on a first date…. I would have to know him very well and for a while first 🙂 ….

 So how far is too far…. On a first date

 Kissing, good…                                                     licking, bad

Holding hands, good…..                                    Stroking with hands, bad

Dancing rhythmically, good…..                     Other rhythmic movements, bad

Cuddling till you fall asleep, good                 Sleeping with each other, bad

Tickling, good….                                                   Tickling bad

Touching, good….                                                Touching bad    

 Orgasmic date, good                                           Orgasm, Never bad 😉

Should I really be worried about whether I went to far or not…. I am a grown woman… I am entitled, aren’t I?  And I have known him for quite a while…

 But I do have to see him again…and I should be able to look him in the face, and take this relationship to the next level.

 So how far did I go…..   I will let you know in my next post…            

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





He Proposed…And Of Course I said YES

6 07 2010

Ok…ok… people pick your jaws up off the floor…. I am just kidding….although….

 I was more than impressed by him….. Let me back track a little….

I was seriously nervous about having him over…not because it would sort of be our first date…. But because after I said yes to him coming over for my family BBQ…. I realized it was my FAMILY BBQ….and everyone would be there…aunts, uncles, parents and Jeff, y’all remember him right?…

All those stereotypical families you see on TV… that’s my family…

 I have the old southern aunts that all they sit around and talk about all day everyday, is having a man…needing a man and wanting a man…

I have the uncle who always has to control the grill only to burn most of the food and undercook the rest….

 Then there is my father… well lets just say… I am his daughter and have never been married…and because  am very secretive…he has only met one of my boyfriends, my sons father…so the thought of me being with someone would send him over the top.

Now let me tell you about this wonderful man…. My BBQ was to start at 12pm.  He showed up at 10:30am, to help me get everything set up, and if that wasn’t sweet enough, he brought flowers.  I introduced him to my father as a coworker, which I thought was ok.

 The day went pretty much as I thought it would… I didn’t get to spend a lot of  one on one time with him…trying to balance him and my family…so this was definitely not the ideal first date.  I did however get to see him in action and see how and if he would fit in with my extended family.  He did not disappoint.

 He chatted with my dad as if they were old friends….flirted with my aunts and when I noticed that uncle Johnny was not at the grill, I asked him how he did it and he said…and I quote “I simply told him, I am more than just a coworker, and he is a guest in our home”.       

                                                          I love this man.

 The only problem of the night was Jeff, who was clearly seriously jealous.  But that’s another time, another post.

 The last guest left  “OUR” home at about 11:30… he stayed to help me clean up.

 He finally left at 2am…and I have to say I was very disappointed… he didn’t ask me out again, so I figured either my family scared him off….or he felt we were better off…just being friends…. Oh well it is what it is…

 Then at 2:37am called me…and we talked till 7am…and not once did we mention work or anything work related.  He also asked if we could have a “real date”  and Saturday and of course I said yes… 🙂

 So for the next 4 days… I will have butterflies in my stomach…and I have to see him tomorrow…  I hope I can contain myself…

 So…should I tell him of my huge crush on our date…or should I play it cool….

 We will see

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





I Blogged In Your Zone, Do You Validate?

30 06 2010

Blogging Zone

 

 Crush Crew Commentary 

 Did you know there were 3 steps to blogging? 

 Step 1 

To Write 

 The decision to create a blog is not and easy one.  Since most blogs are about everyday events in the life of the writer, the idea of putting your private thoughts out there and can be scary.  Bloggers take a chance on the “real people” in their lives finding out their inner most secrets.  The blog tells all and spares no one.  

 The true blogger is constantly thinking about that next post.  To the true blogger, posting is not just some nilly willy, combination of words and phrases you throw on a page.  But it is truly art.   An expression of yourself and  extension of the conversation you would have with the world if given a giant mic.  Yes there are days when you just put something together to let your followers know that you are still alive, but for the most part, it takes some serious thought.  

 To write is to breathe.  To release, to distress, to blog.  Blogging has become a great necessity. A part of your everyday life.  A must on your to do list. 

 Part 2 

To read 

As bloggers we are connected to a special community.  A community of like-minded people who have decided to put their world on display.  And although there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there that makes us unique.  We are bold, daring, inspirational, blunt, brilliant and sometimes foolish.  So we want to see who else is out there. 

 We read the blogs of others to get inspiration for our own.  To get encouragement that writing about one’s life is not a self-centered, egotistical thing to do but a much-needed dose of medicine that society desperately needs.  Proven by the fact that there actually other people doing the same thing.  We read to bring excitement to our own somewhat mundane lives.  We read so that we can say, Hey someone else is worse off or in the same boat as I am.  We read because if its something we should have thought of , are surprised by, or are passionate about, we get to put our 2 cents in, without writing a whole blog about it.   And we read for validation.  For ourselves and to each other. 

 Part 3 

To validate 

 Lets face the truth here.  We all want validation for anything we do in life.  Blogging is no different.  Well there is one difference, we crave it.  Desperately.  We check our stats, constantly, and smile big when we see them go up.  We get all giddy when our inbox says “comment reply”.  And if we get a “please moderate” we leap for joy, because this means a new reader. 

 As bloggers, we love to write, but nothing brings us greater joy than to be READ.  It means our voice is being heard. 

 How do we validate each other, by leaving comments.  Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone, only to have them not respond to you or give you a blank stare…. You just know they are not listening and you feel like you are wasting time trying to talk to them.  There is no conversation it is a lecture, only no one is listening. 

 Leaving a comment on someone’s blog is one of the most important things you can do for a blogger.  (outside of making the fressly pressed page of course 🙂 )Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Comments allow us to have a conversation with our readers, even if just for a moment.  

 Think about this, when you call someone and get their voice mail, you leave a message.  Why because you want them to know you called.  Or when you go to the doctor, don’t you tell them you are there.  Even better, would you go to someone’s home, use their bathroom, eat their food, watch a movie with them and leave without even saying “HELLO”… no because that would be rude.  You don’t go to a restaurant and eat and leave without paying the bill, but more importantly leaving a tip, because the tip is a validation of good food and service.  

 As a blogger, I am happy to see my stats reach into the thousands….but I am even more happy when I know who those readers are and what they thought of what I wrote. 

The Golden Rule…. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… 

 So the next time you read someone’s blog, whether it’s about the world cup, body image, Obama, BP oil spill or their beautiful little girl,  take a moment to validate them.  Take a moment to leave a comment, to let them know you were there.  Isn’t that what you want for your blog. 

 And while I enjoy all the personal emails, after all that is why I make sure my email address is in every post 🙂 leave me a comment in the comment box, not email…or at least leave the comment first, then email me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate all the great friends I have made and speak to via email…but you guys email me such great comments, I’d like to share them with all my readers. 

 And remember the ultimate validation is reposting someone’s great post on you blog.  So feel free to repost this one 🙂 

 Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog…and giving me the validation I needed to continue blogging….and I thank you in advance for the comments you will leave. 

 Crushing on you, 

 Hope