My Secret Love Affair

What did I do and what do I do now…..

 Ok…. So after the first date’s kiss….which was just a small peck….although I wanted to jump on, fully devour and digest him…. I restrained myself and it was just a simple good night kiss….just enough to get a taste and leave a strong desire for wanting more….

 And while our second, third and forth dates have been great…. And the kissing has gotten deeper and longer I am constantly asking myself what did I do…

 Our friendship has not changed… in fact I think its growing stronger…which is a good thing…

 What has changed is our work relationship…while I love keeping things on the low…and I find it very exciting…its getting harder and harder to do…. And I think people are starting to notice…

 Now when he sits in my office work is not mentioned, in company meetings we are finishing each others sentences and bringing up conversations that were not had in a business frame of mind…. We are eyeballing each other from across the room  and there’s a lot of giggling and smiling…. We walk past each other and our hands automatically reach for each others hand….then we realize where we are.

 I feel like I am in a secret love affair….and I actually like it…. I mean we are grown right…. We shouldn’t have to hide this… we are both single, willing and eager to date each other…. Right….

 We are trying our best to keep business from getting personal….but I don’t think its working….. Our lives are intertwining and interchanging…. And we can’t stop it….. But that’s a good thing…..

 It will all be out in the open soon enough…. He told me the other day…he has always had a desire to be a chef and have his own restaurant… he wanted to know if I would still like him if he was to start a new career…..

 Is he crazy….LIKE HIM?

 I told him I would stand by him in whatever he decided to do…as long as he was doing it for him and not for me, that I didn’t want him to give up his dream job or happiness and regret it later….

 He said I make him happy and he thinks he would regret it he didn’t pursue our relationship fully…

Aaaawwwww.. C’mon guys… you gotta love him….

 None the less, I think it may be too soon in our relationship to make such life changing moves…. But that could just be my trust issues kicking in….

 Speaking of too soon…he wants to take me to see a Broadway show in NY….. This would require an overnight stay possibly a whole weekend….  That’s a big step…

But we are adults….we could sleep together without sleeping together…right….

Oh how i miss the days of just crushing…

 Should I go…. Would you…. We will see…

 Till then,

 Hey Gorgeous….meet me in the coat room at noon 😉

 Hope

You Are Music To My Ears

You know sometimes when you just cant find the words to say, a song comes on the radio that just says it for you.

As I sit here looking in your eyes, these words from my favorite song comes to mind….

 How did you get here, nobody’s supposed to be here.

Remember those walls I built, baby there tumbling down

I know you see me watching you and I see you watching me, temptation is calling, got me wanting you so bad I could cry

 You’re the kind of guy that makes a guy that makes a girl smile, You’re the kind of guy that drives a girl wild,

 I’m saving every voice mail, reading in between the lines, All of a sudden my vision became so clear, I want you exclusive

 You have become like a bad habit, the more I consume you, the more I gotta have you….

 From the moment your lips said hi, I pictured your name with mine

 I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did, you got me thinking of us a house and kids, Love knocked me on my face, in this race, I’ve already won 1st place

 I’ll admit I was scared to answer loves call, but it hit and is worth the fall, Love knocks you down

 I don’t believe we were put together, not to be together.

 I never knew love like this before

How did you know, cause I never told, you found out, I’ve got a crush on you

 So baby hold me, like you don’t wanna let go… I’m feeling foxy, now that I’ve had a taste of your honey I want the whole bee hive…

Work it out

 SEXY CAN I…..

I like your smile

 When you look in my eyes, I get emotional

You turning me on

 We fell in love with just one kiss

 It’s too big, too wide, won’t fit…. He got a big…. EGO 😉

Share my world

 I think I    L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

 You’re the one for me

Hey Gorgeous,

Still playing it cool, but its getting hot in here…

Hope

Are You Listening To me?

First Date

 

Ok so when he asked me where I wanted to go, I said the typical girl thing…. I don’t know…anywhere is fine…. 

Now mind you, me and this man have had conversations over the past 2 years or so…about everything…and I do mean everything… 

Remember we were just friends and co-workers.  It was not our intention to start a dating relationship.  So our past conversations have been about dating, sex, friendship, love, men and women….we have even talked about our bad dates and given each other advice on our genders and dating.  We have discussed in somewhat too intimate details our likes and dislikes….and now as I sit here and write this… I wonder if somehow in the back of our minds we knew this day would come and we were just preparing ourselves for it….. Anyway… 

I told him I didn’t care what we did as long as I could wear jeans….since my last birthday  I have developed a jean and boot fetish… 

So when he arrived I was happy to see that he was wearing jeans…. An although I could tell they were brand new… I must say, he looked very good in them… 

 I asked where we were going and he said it’s a surprise…. Now let me back track a little… this date had originally been set for 6:30 pm, but during the week when we talked he asked if we could change it to a late lunch type thing and do it around 4:00 instead…of course I agreed, but I couldn’t help wondering if this was because he wanted to get it over and done with….you know do it early so if it wasn’t going well he could breakout and not have his whole night ruined… 

 So as I opened the door…he is holding a bouquet…. Now in past conversations I know I mentioned hate flowers….well hate is a strong word…I very strongly dislike flowers… I know that’s weird…what woman doesn’t like flowers…this one…. I don’t even like fake ones…Now I am thankful and cordial to anyone who gives them to me…but lets just say they are starved for attention and die quickly…so when I see him standing there with a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries… you know the kind you get from those edible bouquet places… I can’t imagine how crazy I must have looked with he biggest grin ever…because he listened when I said I didn’t like flowers and that chocolate covered strawberries were my absolute favorite thing in the world….wow…. 

 So we get in the car and are not lacking in conversation….but I notice we have been driving well over an hour and a half… so of course now I am wondering if he is that ax murder again and is taking me somewhere where they will never find the body….remember guys I have trust issues…so this is hard for me…. So again I ask where we are going and he says, softly “be patient”…. the nerve. 

 So when we pull up to the parking lot of our destination… I couldn’t help but look perplexed… 

A dinner theater.  Showing GREASE no less….what the heck was he thinking….we drove over 2 hours to see Grease… 

I tried to smile like…. Oh I’ve always wanted to see group of bad and unknown actors react an old 80’s film…but he knows me all to well and before we walked in he said he could tell I was not happy, and asked if I wanted to go somewhere else…of course I said no… I mean we drove all this way…he must be a big Grease fan…. Then he said he thought I would enjoy something like this….WHY… 

He went on to say…. “ When we first met, I asked you , why would you move from a great city like NY to this small country town, and what you missed most about NY, and you told me ‘going to  Broadway shows and dinner with your girlfriends’… so this is the closest thing to Broadway I could think of without actually taking you to Broadway…which I thought might be too much for a first date” 

                                        Aaaaaaawwwwwww 

Can you guys see why I love this man? 

 What could I say….A man who actually listens to what I have said and took it into consideration when planning our first date…. 

The only thing I was thinking is ….somebody is going to get some tonight 🙂 

 SOOOO… the play sucked, but the food turned out to be surprisingly good, the conversation was engaging, the ride home was not long enough, …and we made plans for a second date….can’t wait to see he has planned… 

You guys want me to play it cool, I don’t know if I can.  Could You? 

 We will see.  

By the way those strawberries were perfectly sweet, but they paled in comparison to the taste of his lips.  

We just kissed people. 

 Thank You Gorgeous 

 Hope

Anticipation

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope

First Date, 1st base or Home Run, How Far Do You Go?

Ok… I may be a little out of the loop here…. How far do you go on a first date these days….

Back in my day…wow I never thought I’d ever say that….anyway…you never  kissed on the first date and definitely didn’t go any further unless you were that type of girl….

 According to my kids at the youth center…. The game has changed…. First base is no longer kissing or holding hands….but its doing other things with your mouth, the you skip straight to the home run…. What’s happening here… am I so out of touch with he dating world….

 I am a god Christian woman…. I would never think of doing any of those things with someone on a first date…. I would have to know him very well and for a while first 🙂 ….

 So how far is too far…. On a first date

 Kissing, good…                                                     licking, bad

Holding hands, good…..                                    Stroking with hands, bad

Dancing rhythmically, good…..                     Other rhythmic movements, bad

Cuddling till you fall asleep, good                 Sleeping with each other, bad

Tickling, good….                                                   Tickling bad

Touching, good….                                                Touching bad    

 Orgasmic date, good                                           Orgasm, Never bad 😉

Should I really be worried about whether I went to far or not…. I am a grown woman… I am entitled, aren’t I?  And I have known him for quite a while…

 But I do have to see him again…and I should be able to look him in the face, and take this relationship to the next level.

 So how far did I go…..   I will let you know in my next post…            

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope

He Proposed…And Of Course I said YES

Ok…ok… people pick your jaws up off the floor…. I am just kidding….although….

 I was more than impressed by him….. Let me back track a little….

I was seriously nervous about having him over…not because it would sort of be our first date…. But because after I said yes to him coming over for my family BBQ…. I realized it was my FAMILY BBQ….and everyone would be there…aunts, uncles, parents and Jeff, y’all remember him right?…

All those stereotypical families you see on TV… that’s my family…

 I have the old southern aunts that all they sit around and talk about all day everyday, is having a man…needing a man and wanting a man…

I have the uncle who always has to control the grill only to burn most of the food and undercook the rest….

 Then there is my father… well lets just say… I am his daughter and have never been married…and because  am very secretive…he has only met one of my boyfriends, my sons father…so the thought of me being with someone would send him over the top.

Now let me tell you about this wonderful man…. My BBQ was to start at 12pm.  He showed up at 10:30am, to help me get everything set up, and if that wasn’t sweet enough, he brought flowers.  I introduced him to my father as a coworker, which I thought was ok.

 The day went pretty much as I thought it would… I didn’t get to spend a lot of  one on one time with him…trying to balance him and my family…so this was definitely not the ideal first date.  I did however get to see him in action and see how and if he would fit in with my extended family.  He did not disappoint.

 He chatted with my dad as if they were old friends….flirted with my aunts and when I noticed that uncle Johnny was not at the grill, I asked him how he did it and he said…and I quote “I simply told him, I am more than just a coworker, and he is a guest in our home”.       

                                                          I love this man.

 The only problem of the night was Jeff, who was clearly seriously jealous.  But that’s another time, another post.

 The last guest left  “OUR” home at about 11:30… he stayed to help me clean up.

 He finally left at 2am…and I have to say I was very disappointed… he didn’t ask me out again, so I figured either my family scared him off….or he felt we were better off…just being friends…. Oh well it is what it is…

 Then at 2:37am called me…and we talked till 7am…and not once did we mention work or anything work related.  He also asked if we could have a “real date”  and Saturday and of course I said yes… 🙂

 So for the next 4 days… I will have butterflies in my stomach…and I have to see him tomorrow…  I hope I can contain myself…

 So…should I tell him of my huge crush on our date…or should I play it cool….

 We will see

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope

My Hearts Tripple Bypass

The Symptoms

 My heart aches every time you come around, but it also aches when you’re not there.

I pant heavily in your presence and at the thought of you.

It palpitates, I sweat, get wet, I have hot flashes.

I get giggly and giddy.

My legs get weak, my body shivers.

I forget what I was thinking or about to say.

I often stare blankly, daydreaming.

I can’t sleep and when I do I dream of you.

 Diagnoses

HEARTSLUVSITIS — in laymen’s terms, I am in love.

 The Cure

 To bypass — My past hurts and pain

To bypass —  My fears and worries

To bypass — complications, inhibitions and resistance

The Treatment

 To find a surgeon skilled enough to handle my heart with all of it’s delicate pieces.  A surgeon who can hold it tenderly  in is hands as he brings it back from the dead.  Gently kissing it with his instruments, holding it, squeezing, stroking, pumping comforting and assuring it, it will never break again.  Placing it back where it belongs and monitoring it for the rest of it’s life.

                                  To Open my heart and let you in.  Completely

 The Surgeon

 You.  DR. David.  I entrust you with this task.  I have made an appointment to schedule this procedure. 

                                                          Fix me.  Heal me.  Love me.

 So for those of you who may have difficulty reading in between the lines.  I sort of asked him out.  I say sort of because the conversation went like this.

 Me:  Sooo, what are you doing for the 4th

Him: The usual, hanging out at home alone…. You?

Me:  I have some family coming over for a BBQ

Him: Sounds like fun, I like spending time with family

Me: yeah me too, sometimes (nervous laugh as I am about to ask him the big question)

        (WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT…….)

Him: (Laugh) can I come?

Me:  🙂

 So, You got me open, now what, What’s next,

We will see

Good Afternoon Gorgeous,

Hope

DAVID

He's is nothing compared to you babe.

As I sit here in my office staring at you I ask myself when did I change.  I have never been attracted to tall men before.  But as I wipe the drool from my mouth, I can’t help but to imagine my fingers following, touching every inch of your 6’2 astonishing frame…

  My mind wonders what you must think of me in that brain of yours that is so intelligent, I am captivated by your every word and yet it is discerning enough to separate my needs from my wants and provide me with my desires.

 My fingers playing in your head, other head people :), as your bronze hair is cascading across your brow at the perfect length to tickle my belly as you kiss me there.

Your face so clear, precise, perfectly formed and chiseled that I can only imagine the awe on the faces of the angels as YOU were created in his image.

 Your ears are the perfect handle bar to pull you closer, so tasty, yet flexible enough to not just listen to, but hear my whispers.

 Your eyes that although seem to change colors, always reflect the deepest love in your soul.  And in them I see our future.

 Your lips so impeccably sculpted, screaming kiss me, they speak to my every desire and draw me in with every breath.

 As I lean into you, your scent has my hormones doing somersaults.

 Your shoulders so broad and wide they can hold my whole world, yet comforting enough for me to lay my head.

 Arms so muscular they are strong enough to hold all my dreams and gentle enough to embrace all of me.

 Hands that hold on to mine, firmly gripping my passion and gently glide to the warmest parts of my being.

 A pulsating chest that every rise and fall sends waves of emotions through every part of me.   A heart that bleeds love, kindness, life and every beat is music to my ears.

 Abs that ripple so perfectly like a maze leading down to that not so hidden manly bulge the makes me … 🙂 bananas.

 A back so powerfully built, and prominently braced to withstand the pressures of life.  As I follow its river flowing from the valleys to the marvelous hills below.

 Legs that are long and lean running away from no one and only towards me.  They stand firm in their beliefs, buckle in my presence and bow in divine reverence.

Feet that are firmly planted and unmovable, in those size 13 shoes that I will follow anywhere and everywhere.

David, dare I speak your name.  David, I want to scream your name.   David, I want to take your name.

David         DAVid       DAVID…

If Michael Angelo laid eyes on you, he would take a hammer to his David, because he pales in comparison to mine.

 So I have decided to tell him, question is How.  How would you?

We will see

Good Day Gorgeous David,

 Hope

I Blogged In Your Zone, Do You Validate?

Blogging Zone

 

 Crush Crew Commentary 

 Did you know there were 3 steps to blogging? 

 Step 1 

To Write 

 The decision to create a blog is not and easy one.  Since most blogs are about everyday events in the life of the writer, the idea of putting your private thoughts out there and can be scary.  Bloggers take a chance on the “real people” in their lives finding out their inner most secrets.  The blog tells all and spares no one.  

 The true blogger is constantly thinking about that next post.  To the true blogger, posting is not just some nilly willy, combination of words and phrases you throw on a page.  But it is truly art.   An expression of yourself and  extension of the conversation you would have with the world if given a giant mic.  Yes there are days when you just put something together to let your followers know that you are still alive, but for the most part, it takes some serious thought.  

 To write is to breathe.  To release, to distress, to blog.  Blogging has become a great necessity. A part of your everyday life.  A must on your to do list. 

 Part 2 

To read 

As bloggers we are connected to a special community.  A community of like-minded people who have decided to put their world on display.  And although there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there that makes us unique.  We are bold, daring, inspirational, blunt, brilliant and sometimes foolish.  So we want to see who else is out there. 

 We read the blogs of others to get inspiration for our own.  To get encouragement that writing about one’s life is not a self-centered, egotistical thing to do but a much-needed dose of medicine that society desperately needs.  Proven by the fact that there actually other people doing the same thing.  We read to bring excitement to our own somewhat mundane lives.  We read so that we can say, Hey someone else is worse off or in the same boat as I am.  We read because if its something we should have thought of , are surprised by, or are passionate about, we get to put our 2 cents in, without writing a whole blog about it.   And we read for validation.  For ourselves and to each other. 

 Part 3 

To validate 

 Lets face the truth here.  We all want validation for anything we do in life.  Blogging is no different.  Well there is one difference, we crave it.  Desperately.  We check our stats, constantly, and smile big when we see them go up.  We get all giddy when our inbox says “comment reply”.  And if we get a “please moderate” we leap for joy, because this means a new reader. 

 As bloggers, we love to write, but nothing brings us greater joy than to be READ.  It means our voice is being heard. 

 How do we validate each other, by leaving comments.  Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone, only to have them not respond to you or give you a blank stare…. You just know they are not listening and you feel like you are wasting time trying to talk to them.  There is no conversation it is a lecture, only no one is listening. 

 Leaving a comment on someone’s blog is one of the most important things you can do for a blogger.  (outside of making the fressly pressed page of course 🙂 )Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Comments allow us to have a conversation with our readers, even if just for a moment.  

 Think about this, when you call someone and get their voice mail, you leave a message.  Why because you want them to know you called.  Or when you go to the doctor, don’t you tell them you are there.  Even better, would you go to someone’s home, use their bathroom, eat their food, watch a movie with them and leave without even saying “HELLO”… no because that would be rude.  You don’t go to a restaurant and eat and leave without paying the bill, but more importantly leaving a tip, because the tip is a validation of good food and service.  

 As a blogger, I am happy to see my stats reach into the thousands….but I am even more happy when I know who those readers are and what they thought of what I wrote. 

The Golden Rule…. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… 

 So the next time you read someone’s blog, whether it’s about the world cup, body image, Obama, BP oil spill or their beautiful little girl,  take a moment to validate them.  Take a moment to leave a comment, to let them know you were there.  Isn’t that what you want for your blog. 

 And while I enjoy all the personal emails, after all that is why I make sure my email address is in every post 🙂 leave me a comment in the comment box, not email…or at least leave the comment first, then email me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate all the great friends I have made and speak to via email…but you guys email me such great comments, I’d like to share them with all my readers. 

 And remember the ultimate validation is reposting someone’s great post on you blog.  So feel free to repost this one 🙂 

 Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog…and giving me the validation I needed to continue blogging….and I thank you in advance for the comments you will leave. 

 Crushing on you, 

 Hope

Single Mommy Seeking Mate…Must love kids

Mommy I like your Boyfriend, can we keep him.

Ok this may sound funny coming from me…but trust me I do have some good dating advice…. I have been dating for a while and have learned some pretty good tricks when it comes to dating and the single mom….

 When you have a 12-year-old son who is determined to be the only man in your life and ruin every relationship you have… you have to be tricky…

 First let me say as a mom…and this is my personal opinion….maintaining the respect of your children, especially the boys is very important…. Remember boys treat their girlfriends and wives as they treat their moms…most of the time anyway…you don’t want your children to see you marching an army of men into your home introducing them to your family as daddies and uncles….and if your children are young…they may look back at it one day and think…wow…my mom had a lot of boyfriends…and I don’t mean that in a nice way…this also means that if you are planning on being “intimate”… your children should not know this…I will teach you tricky ways to do this in a later post….

 And for all you women who claim there are not enough good men in the world…raise the sons you would want to marry….for future generations sake…raise good men…

 Anyway back to the subject….so in dealing with my 12-year-old I have learned…. That when his guard is down…it is safe for me to date…

 First, and again this is for women who are looking for a serious relationship and potentially marriage, let the man know up front you have children.  No surprises means no surprises.  You cannot hide children, so he will find out.  Tell him up front…he ask your name tell him…he ask what you do for a living….”I am a single mom of 2 who works at a hospital”… this will let you know in your first few minutes of conversation where he wants to go with the relationship.  Watch his facial expressions, you cannot hide that and it will say it all.  If he is still there, follow-up with question to him like does he have kids, etc… this will let him know that your kids are the most important thing in your life.

 Ok so he is still interested in you.  You go out on that first date….don’t be afraid to talk about your kids to him.  Now if you read a lot of those men’s magazines they will tell you this is a no-no.  But look at it like this…one of your biggest interest is your kids…and of he is not interested in them…he is not interested in you… the reality is being with you is being with them…I am not saying the whole conversation should be about your kids….but by the end of that date he should at least know their ages…be tricky…. Use your feminine wiles..

Sample Bad Convo

 Him: So what do you like to do in your spare time

You: Play with my kids

Him: Oh,   sooo do you like sports

You: I don’t have time for sports just my kids

Him: so what do you like to do for fun

You: Play with my kids

 Sample Good convo

 Him: So what do you like to do in your spare time

You: Wow…my spare time is my me time, no kids…it could be a spa day…or a nice date, smile

Him: Oh,   So do you like sports

You: I am not really big on sports, but my 9 year old just started playing midget football, so I have been really getting into foot ball…just learning the game, how bout you…do you like foot ball

Him: Love it

You:  good… so when we have some questions about the game we can ask you

Him: absolutely, so what do you like to do for fun

You: I have to say, I am having fun now (smile),  but are you talking about kids fun or adult fun (wink)

Ok success you have a second date…you are still mentioning the kids but now you want to find out his views on kids… in a round about way…does he want kids…if he has kids what is his relationship like…Quick Note…if he is not taking care of his kids, do not have a relationship with them or complains his ex is only after money, 9 times out of 10…he is not going to be good with your kids…

 So you have a had a few couple of dates…and things are going well…by this time he should know your kids names, age, what they look like,  and favorite things…

 How will you know when he is ready to meet the kids…when he brings it up…if he is truly getting interested in you and wants to pursue the relationship to that next level…then he will let you know…its time to bring the kids in on the relationship.  After all he feels like he knows them…because they have already been a part of the relationship.  Ok so you have now tricked Eh Hum, prepared the man.

 Tricking the kids (practice restraints)

 As a mom you know the biggest key to anything you do is preparation.  You want to introduce the fact of mommy dating to them.  Invite a cousin or other male family member over to dinner or watch a movie…if you have a male friend (not Boyfriend, just friend) have him over…

  Now the real stuff…This is where you will have to practice restraints….you will have to not allow the kids to see you kissing, touching, being intimate, etc….it will ruin what I am about to tell you and it will not work…

 During the first meeting the kids MUST be distracted… the ideal situation… if you child is having a birthday party invite him over (providing your ex is not a trouble maker).  He will bring a gift, thus pleasing the kid…and the child will be more involved with what’s going on around him than the fact that you brought a date to his party.  No birthday coming up… invite the first meeting to be somewhere inconspicuous. A chucky cheese or McDonald’s play ground.  You and the kids go first and have him meet you there.  Introduce him as your friend…. Not daddy, they already have one and if it doesn’t work out no loss of a dad…and not as uncle…because if it does work out…well there are things that family should not do with each other…

First meeting went well, don’t move him in just yet….

 Future dates, invite him to your child’s game, dance recital or play, go bowling, roller skating to the park…again having him meet you there.. He should interact with the kids with you. The object is to get them to like him.  If the kids like him you are good to go… you are also seeing how he is with them…if it turns out he really hates kids…its easier for you to deal with the hurt of a break up, than for him to hurt your kids…

 Once your kids have established he is a good guy, invite him over to dinner…do something fun before dinner, and after, letting your kids know it would be a good thing to have him around.  Continue going out on dates with just him…then start with him and the kids….also just you and the kids…let them know they are still important in your life…

If the kids like him… you are in there…

 This I learned from my 12 year old…who really likes my crush, and is trying to get me to like him.  Yall didn’t think I was going to do all this writing and not mention him did you? 🙂

 Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Afternoon Gorgeous,

Hope

Mommy YOUR Grounded

Is it ok if mommy dates?

As a single mom dating is a very difficult thing and almost out of the question….and not just for the reasons you think.  Most times you would think its just because of the kids….and that is a big part…but there are other issues that are rarely talked about they are the blockers…. In slang terms “blockers” are people who stand in the way of your happiness, what ever that may be… it could be a girl who is jealous a guy likes you instead of her….a jock who feels he is a better player than you…and so forth…

 For a single mom children are not blockers, but a part of the goal….the goal to find true happiness that will include, not exclude your children.

  Blockers are the in-laws, friends and children’s friends.

 The in-laws… the people who cannot get over the fact that you are not with their loved one anymore….but unfortunately…these people are a part of your children’s lives …so they then feel like they can step in whenever they want.  So when you do finally bring your new “friend” around them…all they want to talk about is your ex…the things he did and the way he did them…your friend can’t handle the drama so he is out.  BLOCKED.

 Then there are your friends…who either don’t like him for you because they like him…or don’t like him for you because they don’t have anyone or are not happy and want you to be that way….so they begin to find things wrong with him…they point out things you have never noticed, and you decide it’s not worth it.  BLOCKED

 Then there are your children’s friends… the ones that talk to your kids about what it would be like to get a new dad….how mom is not going to be around so much…and all her love and time is going to go to him…they tell your children they will be forgotten about and pushed aside….causing your children to dislike you friend  BLOCKED

 When first embarking on dating as a single mom…we must first decide….why are we dating…. Are we just looking for some fun, romance, passion, a relationship or all of those choices….

 If dating for fun, romance, passion…that is relatively easy…because really no one has to know…. You get a baby sitter and go out on a business meeting…no harm done…

But when looking for a relationship….the problems start…you must first find someone who is suitable for both you and your family…something which is hard to do at first glance…so you must decide…do you tell him about your family right away…the answer should always be yes… you let him/her know up font what they are getting…then there are no surprises and less heartaches…

 Now for moms this is where it gets really hard….now your getting closer and you have to decide when is the right time to meet the kids…because if it doesn’t work out the kids could be hurt….and if you are dating a lot…you don’t what to seem like the type of woman who has a lot of male friends…and confuse the kids with so many daddies and uncles…

 So you get tricky… you have the kids meet him, without him being your boyfriend or date…. He just happened to be in the same place…this way you can see how good he is with the kids and they can like him without even knowing it…and before you know it…one big happy family…

 More dating tips and tricks later….

 So now my kids like you…..now what…

 So should I tell him, Would you?

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

 Hope

LOVE, Who?

Anyone who has loved and lost, will tell you they made the “VOW”…. The vow to never let someone get that close to their heart again.  The one that says no one will ever hurt me like that again.  And in making that vow…we do everything in our power to keep it….some of us choose not to date at all…or just have some quickies or one night stands…we choose not to see someone we could potentially like…in an effort to cure and protect our hearts, but only to end up causing more damage.

 It’s easy to look at the next potential suitor and find nothing but negatives to hold on to that pain…you don’t want to imagine giving someone that much power over you again…. You may go out with someone…and find reasons not to go out again or get serious…we put obstacles in the way…and find problems with them that don’t exist….  We are afraid of being hurt again…

So you let love pass you by…

 We seem to focus on the negative parts of the past relationship….the fights …the disagreements…the pain caused at the break up…

 We forget about the joy of being in love itself…. The way it made us feel and the world look different…. The holding of hands, kissing, and touching…. That wonderful tickle in your stomach when you thought of,  or see him…

We forgot laughing at jokes that only we found funny…and talking about things we never thought any one would understand…going to bed and waking up with a smile….knowing that no matter what happened in your day it would be all better when you see that special someone…talking on the phone until sunrise and playing you hang up, no you, no you….

 We forgot how the anticipation of seeing him…made your heart be faster and the time at work go by quickly…. How we would use something he said to take us away in thought and force a smile where normally there would not be one….how one word, one touch, one kiss, could make you forget all the worlds problems and issues and take you to a paradise that is only found by love…and the only pain you felt was in your cheeks from smiling so much…We forgot being happy.

 We  forgot laying in each others arms and never wanting that moment to end…and  how while in love we could not imagine, not being in love…

 Thank you for helping me remember…

So should I tell him,  would you?

we will see…

Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope

I Don’t Want You To Want Me To Want You To Want Me…

I don’t want to want to see you everyday

I don’t want  your smile to be contagious

I don’t want your eyes to show me life with you

I don’t want your words to excite me or mine to excite you

I don’t want to hear you laugh

I don’t want to know you better

I don’t want you to call me or to hang up

I don’t want to sit down and eat with you,  watch a movie, or listen to music together

I don’t want you to bring me flowers, candy or gifts

I don’t want to kiss you goodnight or good morning

I don’t want scream your name

I don’t want to know what it feels like to lay in your arms

I don’t want dream about you when I am asleep, and think of you when I am awake

I don’t want say goodbye

I don’t want cry for you or miss you

I don’t want to marry you

I don’t want share or build a life with you

I don’t want you to always be there

I don’t want to hear you say I Love You

I don’t want you to want me

I don’t want to want you

 I don’t want to do any of these things or love you,

 But I Do……..

  Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope

Do You Love Me Check ___Yes Or ___ No

I Am Falling In Love With You

I use the term crush…to lighten things up, but I know that it is so much more than that…. And the thought of being in love with someone who may not reciprocate it is a scary one….equally is the thought of being in love with someone with whom you have never gone out with or sat and talked romantically with scary….Heck love itself is scary.  Even if that love is reciprocated, to love this hard and give someone that power is dangerous…but what is love if not this…. This is what makes it exciting and desired..

 What are the stages of love?

 First know that love is a mystery.  It does not happen for everyone in the same way.  Mine happened as listed…but your list may read differently. For most people the first step is EROS….for me that was later.

 Philos – Is where true love begins

              Friendship

 You are my friend and I admire you.  I appreciate and respect you.  You are a trusted confidant.  We can talk about any and everything.  We are truthful and patient with each other.  We have fun together.  We like similar things. Our feelings towards each other are mutual, we love each other…We are in love with each other…we just don’t know it yet.   

Eros – That physical Thang

Our eyes lock as never before and suddenly we saw each other.  We begin to get attracted to each other.  It is not about sex.  We realize we have more in common than we thought and most of the people we have dated.  We truly enjoy each others company.  We want to take it to the next level.

                  Crush

 The Crush phase.  You have seen someone and you thought to yourself “hey he is cute”.  This is the phase where you are checking out facial features, body type, shoe size ;), and what they are wearing.  If  its just a crush, it usually doesn’t go much further than this.  You keep it to yourself or snicker about it with your best friend. Adolescents like to refer to this phase as puppy love.  They think he is the one…for right now.

              Courtly

You have decided this is a relationship you want to pursue further.  So you begin to act chivalrously, trying very hard to make the other person happy, going above and beyond what you would normally do.  Even though you may have done a little extra during the 1st phase now you go that extra mile, wearing his favorite colors, buying her favorite flowers,  you know she loves horror movies so you go out and watch every one, he is into football so you go to wikipedia and memorize how to play the game and the most important football facts….just to impress.  You are attracted to them physically and emotionally at this point.

              Passion

 You are hot for each other.  You desire him.  Can’t stop thinking about him.  You imagine what your life would be like together, what your children will look like.  This is usually, but not always, about sex.  Not saying that you are having sex at this point, but the thoughts are definitely there. 

             Intimacy

 Now lets remember men and women see intimacy differently.  For men, its physical,  the act of sex/making love is intimate…for women its emotional, the part leading up to the sex/making love …the talking, sweet words, cuddling, flowers, etc…is intimacy. Not necessarily the act itself…although many women will get physical in hopes of being more intimate.

       True love – So worth it

 If you both are lucky enough to reach this point together…its a beautiful thing…cause usually what comes next is kissing, marriage and you and he and a baby carriage…life is good.

 Agape – That unconditional love that is said to only be shared by God for man.  I will add, when this person becomes the center of your universe, you begin praying for them and for them to always be in your life.  You can’t imagine what your life was like before that moment you realized you were in love.

So with all that being said… I know the difference between a crush and love…

I cannot remember what I did at work yesterday…but I can remember exactly what he was wearing, his words, his smile and the scent of his cologne.

I am in love…

So should I tell him….. Would you?…

 We will see

 Goodnight Gorgeous,

Hope

Crushing Complications- Part 2- His

My heat skips a beat everytime our eyes lock

Ok …when I say he is the perfect guy….he is….So…. His complications are probably just an extension of mine…and a little of him….

 Ok here we go…. I think his only flaw is that he is very shy…. I would like to say its lacking confidence….but he has to know how gorgeous he is… or maybe he doesn’t… Anyway…you may say if that is his only flaw what keeps us apart…well his other complications…

 I run a youth facility and he is contracted with my program to do certain things with the youth there….and a part of that contract is that he cannot get involved with the clients, if he is assigned to the case…. And by clients they mean both the youth and the workers of the facility where the contract is held…. I have been dealing with this company long before he began working with us and they have a very low tolerance for a lot of things…and this being their biggest one…apparently they have lost a lot of contracts do to this behavior…and believe me if I could find another company that does the quality of work that they do, and I am diligently looking, mine would be one of them…now during our flirting moments he has mentioned, we would have a lot more fun if he had a different job or I somehow lost the contract…my response “Your Fired”…. But then one of the kids came running over for something and we laughed it off…darn children…

 Other issues are not really complications but more issues that we would have to seriously talk about…. He is very, very, much younger than me…not that it bothers me, I have dated younger men before… and it does not seem to bother him…. He is always making comments trying to make me think he is older than he is…but that could be a big issue later if he feels he is not man enough or old enough…or worst…. I start to seem too old…

 He does not have children… However, he is great with my boys and the youth at the youth program….he has expressed a desire to have children…and I do want to have another baby in the next 2 years…

 And the final issue is he is of a different race than I am…now that is not necessarily a problem, because the town that we live in actually has a lot of interracial dating and marriages…. I also have several members of my family who are interracially mixed, and I have dated outside of my race before….but this is the one thing we have not talked, joked or even flirted about….. I don’t know if it because it’s a touchy subject or if its truly just not an issue…

 Ok…now that I got that off my chest and out of the way…no more of this complicated talk… I am just going to tell you guys what goes on in our day to day lives…. I hope you are not bored with my story and continue to read….but more importantly… I hope this story has a happy ending for me… if you want to know up to the minute what we are doing follow me on twitter at   https://twitter.com/Hopelesscrush

 …. so what do you think….should I tell….. We will see….

 Goodnight Gorgeous,

Hope