Anticipation

29 07 2010

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope

Advertisements




First Date, 1st base or Home Run, How Far Do You Go?

12 07 2010

Ok… I may be a little out of the loop here…. How far do you go on a first date these days….

Back in my day…wow I never thought I’d ever say that….anyway…you never  kissed on the first date and definitely didn’t go any further unless you were that type of girl….

 According to my kids at the youth center…. The game has changed…. First base is no longer kissing or holding hands….but its doing other things with your mouth, the you skip straight to the home run…. What’s happening here… am I so out of touch with he dating world….

 I am a god Christian woman…. I would never think of doing any of those things with someone on a first date…. I would have to know him very well and for a while first 🙂 ….

 So how far is too far…. On a first date

 Kissing, good…                                                     licking, bad

Holding hands, good…..                                    Stroking with hands, bad

Dancing rhythmically, good…..                     Other rhythmic movements, bad

Cuddling till you fall asleep, good                 Sleeping with each other, bad

Tickling, good….                                                   Tickling bad

Touching, good….                                                Touching bad    

 Orgasmic date, good                                           Orgasm, Never bad 😉

Should I really be worried about whether I went to far or not…. I am a grown woman… I am entitled, aren’t I?  And I have known him for quite a while…

 But I do have to see him again…and I should be able to look him in the face, and take this relationship to the next level.

 So how far did I go…..   I will let you know in my next post…            

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





I Blogged In Your Zone, Do You Validate?

30 06 2010

Blogging Zone

 

 Crush Crew Commentary 

 Did you know there were 3 steps to blogging? 

 Step 1 

To Write 

 The decision to create a blog is not and easy one.  Since most blogs are about everyday events in the life of the writer, the idea of putting your private thoughts out there and can be scary.  Bloggers take a chance on the “real people” in their lives finding out their inner most secrets.  The blog tells all and spares no one.  

 The true blogger is constantly thinking about that next post.  To the true blogger, posting is not just some nilly willy, combination of words and phrases you throw on a page.  But it is truly art.   An expression of yourself and  extension of the conversation you would have with the world if given a giant mic.  Yes there are days when you just put something together to let your followers know that you are still alive, but for the most part, it takes some serious thought.  

 To write is to breathe.  To release, to distress, to blog.  Blogging has become a great necessity. A part of your everyday life.  A must on your to do list. 

 Part 2 

To read 

As bloggers we are connected to a special community.  A community of like-minded people who have decided to put their world on display.  And although there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there that makes us unique.  We are bold, daring, inspirational, blunt, brilliant and sometimes foolish.  So we want to see who else is out there. 

 We read the blogs of others to get inspiration for our own.  To get encouragement that writing about one’s life is not a self-centered, egotistical thing to do but a much-needed dose of medicine that society desperately needs.  Proven by the fact that there actually other people doing the same thing.  We read to bring excitement to our own somewhat mundane lives.  We read so that we can say, Hey someone else is worse off or in the same boat as I am.  We read because if its something we should have thought of , are surprised by, or are passionate about, we get to put our 2 cents in, without writing a whole blog about it.   And we read for validation.  For ourselves and to each other. 

 Part 3 

To validate 

 Lets face the truth here.  We all want validation for anything we do in life.  Blogging is no different.  Well there is one difference, we crave it.  Desperately.  We check our stats, constantly, and smile big when we see them go up.  We get all giddy when our inbox says “comment reply”.  And if we get a “please moderate” we leap for joy, because this means a new reader. 

 As bloggers, we love to write, but nothing brings us greater joy than to be READ.  It means our voice is being heard. 

 How do we validate each other, by leaving comments.  Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone, only to have them not respond to you or give you a blank stare…. You just know they are not listening and you feel like you are wasting time trying to talk to them.  There is no conversation it is a lecture, only no one is listening. 

 Leaving a comment on someone’s blog is one of the most important things you can do for a blogger.  (outside of making the fressly pressed page of course 🙂 )Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Comments allow us to have a conversation with our readers, even if just for a moment.  

 Think about this, when you call someone and get their voice mail, you leave a message.  Why because you want them to know you called.  Or when you go to the doctor, don’t you tell them you are there.  Even better, would you go to someone’s home, use their bathroom, eat their food, watch a movie with them and leave without even saying “HELLO”… no because that would be rude.  You don’t go to a restaurant and eat and leave without paying the bill, but more importantly leaving a tip, because the tip is a validation of good food and service.  

 As a blogger, I am happy to see my stats reach into the thousands….but I am even more happy when I know who those readers are and what they thought of what I wrote. 

The Golden Rule…. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… 

 So the next time you read someone’s blog, whether it’s about the world cup, body image, Obama, BP oil spill or their beautiful little girl,  take a moment to validate them.  Take a moment to leave a comment, to let them know you were there.  Isn’t that what you want for your blog. 

 And while I enjoy all the personal emails, after all that is why I make sure my email address is in every post 🙂 leave me a comment in the comment box, not email…or at least leave the comment first, then email me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate all the great friends I have made and speak to via email…but you guys email me such great comments, I’d like to share them with all my readers. 

 And remember the ultimate validation is reposting someone’s great post on you blog.  So feel free to repost this one 🙂 

 Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog…and giving me the validation I needed to continue blogging….and I thank you in advance for the comments you will leave. 

 Crushing on you, 

 Hope





Loving the Enemy in my Camp

21 06 2010

The heart wants what the heart wants.

There is a breach in my security system.  A flaw somewhere that I must locate before you get closer to my heart. 

I have spent the last 10 years protecting this camp from danger.  And no one has been able to infiltrate it.  Till now.

 Barb wire fences, double bolted and padlocked doors,  a few hungry pit bulls and a 5 star alarm system could not stop you from getting through.   I have spent most of my life building walls around it to protect it from hurt and pain.  Yet you got in.

 What manner of camouflage did you wear to get through the gates surrounding my life.  An ally  drove you up to my door, and I let you right in.  You masqueraded as my friend.  I surely thought my army would protect me.  They always have in the past.  In my weakest moments, they have been strong and always reminded me of the goal.  They have never let anyone get this close.  With soldiers all around you slowly took my army down.  Even my 5 star generals fell prey to your charms.  You have convinced them to give in, that we should become allies, one unit and they are now asking me to do the same.  They too have fallen in love with you.

 I have barricaded my self in.  I am not ready to give in so completely, not yet.   I  am afraid of you.   I know that my time is short.  Soon you will break through this door too, and I will be forced to face you. 

I should have listened to my intellect.  How many times have I opened the door to kick you out.  Watch you walk away, only to enjoy the view and pull you back in.  I don’t know how you got here, but I know you don’t belong.  And as much as you don’t belong you fit right in as if you always were.

 Why is this relationship so obvious to everyone but us.

 This love thing is strange.  I don’t know where friendship ended and love began.  Was it there from the beginning.

I read a quote once, not sure who said it…but it said “LOVE CANNOT BE FOUND WHERE IT DOES NOT EXIST, NOR CAN IT BE HIDDEN WHERE IT DOES’.

 Everyone in my camp, my life, loves you…

 I think it may be time to reorganize my unit.

 I don’t know how much longer I can do this,

 I hate that I love you this much.

 Should I tell him,  would you?…

We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope





I Don’t Want You To Want Me To Want You To Want Me…

11 06 2010

I don’t want to want to see you everyday

I don’t want  your smile to be contagious

I don’t want your eyes to show me life with you

I don’t want your words to excite me or mine to excite you

I don’t want to hear you laugh

I don’t want to know you better

I don’t want you to call me or to hang up

I don’t want to sit down and eat with you,  watch a movie, or listen to music together

I don’t want you to bring me flowers, candy or gifts

I don’t want to kiss you goodnight or good morning

I don’t want scream your name

I don’t want to know what it feels like to lay in your arms

I don’t want dream about you when I am asleep, and think of you when I am awake

I don’t want say goodbye

I don’t want cry for you or miss you

I don’t want to marry you

I don’t want share or build a life with you

I don’t want you to always be there

I don’t want to hear you say I Love You

I don’t want you to want me

I don’t want to want you

 I don’t want to do any of these things or love you,

 But I Do……..

  Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope





Cleavage, Cake & other Crazy Crush him Contraptions

7 06 2010

Leaping hurdles for my crush

Cleavage, cake and other crazy crush him contraptions Ok….so this guy had been in my face for 8 months, before I “saw Him”. When he first came around I would actually distance my self from him. I would go in my office and do work or go play with one of the other kids…the other women would always comment on how attractive he was, I hadn’t even noticed. Honestly I didn’t. They would fawn all over him, and I would just sit in my office and laugh…and sometimes so would he. We would actually laugh together at the tactics that were not working. So I had a heads up in the game and didn’t even know it….because now it is me fawning.

So how did I finally see him….we had been sitting in my office talking and joking about something, when he made a comment about me not being like the other women in the office, and he liked that…. then he looked at me and smiled…and although I am sure I looked into his eyes plenty of times when we talked…I mean that’s just common courtesy and my mother raised me right, anyway… I looked at them that time and we just stared a each other then all of a sudden, KA-BOOM, flashes of light, and sounds of clinging cymbals… one of them doggone kids had done threw he basketball to the light and the drum set. When we got up to go check on things, he put he put his hand on the small of my back, to kind of say ladies first out the door, and shocked me….now it could have been the static cling from the carpet….but I’d like to believe it was much more. From that moment on I have never looked at him the same.

                            So let the Fawning games begin.

Luckily for me the weather was breaking. So when my clothes bean falling off it wasn’t so obvious what I was doing. What was I doing…..well we already had that PHILOS connection (see previous post), and now I had to set Eros in motion. I had to make him notice me the way I had now notice him. So my neckline dropped to show off these beautiful and natural 36 D’s. My clothes got a little tighter to expose these well rounded booty and hips that could easily come in 3rd in a contest with J-Lo and Beyonce…and let us not forget this smooth, creamy and tantalizing caramel skin that will make any man just want to drop to his knees and lick my….eh hem, I forgot this blog is G rated….those of you who are old enough continue to imagine…those of you who are too young to understand, I was going to say Caramel apples like the ones you get at the fair :)…. Whew!…anyway…

I had read in cosmos, that men were turned on by lavender and pumpkin spice So all of our cleaning products and deodorizers were now lavender scented. I tried 11 different perfumes until he finally said “wow you smell good today”. After realizing that the other days I obviously smelt bad… I now only wear that perfume just to be on the safe side. We already knew we both like the same sports team, which is not our towns team…so I made some phone calls to friends of the manager, a perk of being a well published author, and scored him some fabulous football tickets and a players meet and greet. Now that I look back at that, I should have gone with him…but oh well…I even wowed him with a one of a kind Christmas gift that he has been wanting since he was a boy…. I searched high and low for it… put in a lot of effort to find it… never left my home, thank God for eBay.

And the final bomb was of course the old wives tale “the way to his heart is through his stomach” it took me so many tries I baked cookies, cakes, parfaits, pumpkin pies ;)…you name it. The kids at the youth center thought I had lost my mind, but they loved every minute of it. It would be too obvious to make it for just him so I had to make enough for everyone. When he came to my home I made fabulous dinners…but nothing…he enjoyed them…but nothing …then he told me of a dessert his mom use to make for him….as bold as I am I was not going to call his mother…so I did the next best thing. I looked it up on the internet… I made it and he loved it. And he called me the perfect woman. I have made it 3 times for him so far, is that overkill, it gets a rise out of him every time….not that kind of rise, remember this is G rated.

So you must be thinking, this girls is a nut, and then your thinking, clearly he is crushing on her too.  She should tell him how she feels.   Again I say its complicated.  There is still more to this story.

So should I tell him….. Would you?…

 We will see

 Goodday Gorgeous,

Hope