My Secret Love Affair

17 08 2010

What did I do and what do I do now…..

 Ok…. So after the first date’s kiss….which was just a small peck….although I wanted to jump on, fully devour and digest him…. I restrained myself and it was just a simple good night kiss….just enough to get a taste and leave a strong desire for wanting more….

 And while our second, third and forth dates have been great…. And the kissing has gotten deeper and longer I am constantly asking myself what did I do…

 Our friendship has not changed… in fact I think its growing stronger…which is a good thing…

 What has changed is our work relationship…while I love keeping things on the low…and I find it very exciting…its getting harder and harder to do…. And I think people are starting to notice…

 Now when he sits in my office work is not mentioned, in company meetings we are finishing each others sentences and bringing up conversations that were not had in a business frame of mind…. We are eyeballing each other from across the room  and there’s a lot of giggling and smiling…. We walk past each other and our hands automatically reach for each others hand….then we realize where we are.

 I feel like I am in a secret love affair….and I actually like it…. I mean we are grown right…. We shouldn’t have to hide this… we are both single, willing and eager to date each other…. Right….

 We are trying our best to keep business from getting personal….but I don’t think its working….. Our lives are intertwining and interchanging…. And we can’t stop it….. But that’s a good thing…..

 It will all be out in the open soon enough…. He told me the other day…he has always had a desire to be a chef and have his own restaurant… he wanted to know if I would still like him if he was to start a new career…..

 Is he crazy….LIKE HIM?

 I told him I would stand by him in whatever he decided to do…as long as he was doing it for him and not for me, that I didn’t want him to give up his dream job or happiness and regret it later….

 He said I make him happy and he thinks he would regret it he didn’t pursue our relationship fully…

Aaaawwwww.. C’mon guys… you gotta love him….

 None the less, I think it may be too soon in our relationship to make such life changing moves…. But that could just be my trust issues kicking in….

 Speaking of too soon…he wants to take me to see a Broadway show in NY….. This would require an overnight stay possibly a whole weekend….  That’s a big step…

But we are adults….we could sleep together without sleeping together…right….

Oh how i miss the days of just crushing…

 Should I go…. Would you…. We will see…

 Till then,

 Hey Gorgeous….meet me in the coat room at noon 😉

 Hope





Are You Listening To me?

6 08 2010

First Date

 

Ok so when he asked me where I wanted to go, I said the typical girl thing…. I don’t know…anywhere is fine…. 

Now mind you, me and this man have had conversations over the past 2 years or so…about everything…and I do mean everything… 

Remember we were just friends and co-workers.  It was not our intention to start a dating relationship.  So our past conversations have been about dating, sex, friendship, love, men and women….we have even talked about our bad dates and given each other advice on our genders and dating.  We have discussed in somewhat too intimate details our likes and dislikes….and now as I sit here and write this… I wonder if somehow in the back of our minds we knew this day would come and we were just preparing ourselves for it….. Anyway… 

I told him I didn’t care what we did as long as I could wear jeans….since my last birthday  I have developed a jean and boot fetish… 

So when he arrived I was happy to see that he was wearing jeans…. An although I could tell they were brand new… I must say, he looked very good in them… 

 I asked where we were going and he said it’s a surprise…. Now let me back track a little… this date had originally been set for 6:30 pm, but during the week when we talked he asked if we could change it to a late lunch type thing and do it around 4:00 instead…of course I agreed, but I couldn’t help wondering if this was because he wanted to get it over and done with….you know do it early so if it wasn’t going well he could breakout and not have his whole night ruined… 

 So as I opened the door…he is holding a bouquet…. Now in past conversations I know I mentioned hate flowers….well hate is a strong word…I very strongly dislike flowers… I know that’s weird…what woman doesn’t like flowers…this one…. I don’t even like fake ones…Now I am thankful and cordial to anyone who gives them to me…but lets just say they are starved for attention and die quickly…so when I see him standing there with a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries… you know the kind you get from those edible bouquet places… I can’t imagine how crazy I must have looked with he biggest grin ever…because he listened when I said I didn’t like flowers and that chocolate covered strawberries were my absolute favorite thing in the world….wow…. 

 So we get in the car and are not lacking in conversation….but I notice we have been driving well over an hour and a half… so of course now I am wondering if he is that ax murder again and is taking me somewhere where they will never find the body….remember guys I have trust issues…so this is hard for me…. So again I ask where we are going and he says, softly “be patient”…. the nerve. 

 So when we pull up to the parking lot of our destination… I couldn’t help but look perplexed… 

A dinner theater.  Showing GREASE no less….what the heck was he thinking….we drove over 2 hours to see Grease… 

I tried to smile like…. Oh I’ve always wanted to see group of bad and unknown actors react an old 80’s film…but he knows me all to well and before we walked in he said he could tell I was not happy, and asked if I wanted to go somewhere else…of course I said no… I mean we drove all this way…he must be a big Grease fan…. Then he said he thought I would enjoy something like this….WHY… 

He went on to say…. “ When we first met, I asked you , why would you move from a great city like NY to this small country town, and what you missed most about NY, and you told me ‘going to  Broadway shows and dinner with your girlfriends’… so this is the closest thing to Broadway I could think of without actually taking you to Broadway…which I thought might be too much for a first date” 

                                        Aaaaaaawwwwwww 

Can you guys see why I love this man? 

 What could I say….A man who actually listens to what I have said and took it into consideration when planning our first date…. 

The only thing I was thinking is ….somebody is going to get some tonight 🙂 

 SOOOO… the play sucked, but the food turned out to be surprisingly good, the conversation was engaging, the ride home was not long enough, …and we made plans for a second date….can’t wait to see he has planned… 

You guys want me to play it cool, I don’t know if I can.  Could You? 

 We will see.  

By the way those strawberries were perfectly sweet, but they paled in comparison to the taste of his lips.  

We just kissed people. 

 Thank You Gorgeous 

 Hope





Don’t Sweat It

5 08 2010

This is just a side note…. I am getting to the date guys…..

 Call it nit-picking, being fickle or too picky…. But I am one of those women who is hard to impress and easy to turn off.  There are certain test that must be passed for a successful dating relationship.  I know everybody has pet peeves but I think mine are a bit extreme… like  I flip out if my kids just push the cereal bag down in the box instead of folding it….my towels have to be folded a certain way…toilet tissue comes from under not over…I know these are normal right?…

 Because of my peeves I have stop dating some guys and others never even made it to a second date…what are they you ask….

 Outrageous or sloppy chewing, you know the kind when either the mouth is just functioning in a non-human way or food is just flying everywhere.

 Then there is a bad kisser…now kissing, to me is the most sensual thing you could do…. If you want to get me in he mood a good kiss is all you need…I don’t want to be sucked in and digested, nor do I want to go for a swim.  I don’t want to be gagged by your tongue or taste what you had for dinner.  I don’t want my head pressed painfully against a wall.  I want to be left breathless, but not because of the pressure you are  putting on my neck.  My lips are a delicacy, treat them that way…..if you don’t know what to do, just follow my lead.

 Smokers, scruffy faces, mix matched clothes, smelly breath, smelly body, sloppy posture, dirty nails,

 Chest hair, some find it sexy…. I am not one…

 And my absolute biggest one… the one I get teased about by my sister and the one that has stopped me and men in our tracks

                                               SWEATING

                                                                                     EEEEEWWWWW

 I am one of those rare people who does not sweat, so you can understand why.  Now mind you…in extreme heat and I do mean extreme, or extreme cases and I do mean extreme cases of nerves I may let it slide…. But when we are in an air-conditioned restaurant having ice cream, there’s no need.  I am not talking about a drip here or there,  even though well eeewww, any way…I have stopped in the act of…you know what…because of sweat.  As I see it bead up… I lose focus, can’t think, want to run….

 So to answer your emails, I am not married, because I am extremely picky 🙂 …but  I do thank you for your concern and care for me….

 But thanks to Gorgeous, all that has changed….

 So do I tell him, Would you?

 We will see,

Good day Gorgeous,

Hope





Anticipation

29 07 2010

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope





First Date, 1st base or Home Run, How Far Do You Go?

12 07 2010

Ok… I may be a little out of the loop here…. How far do you go on a first date these days….

Back in my day…wow I never thought I’d ever say that….anyway…you never  kissed on the first date and definitely didn’t go any further unless you were that type of girl….

 According to my kids at the youth center…. The game has changed…. First base is no longer kissing or holding hands….but its doing other things with your mouth, the you skip straight to the home run…. What’s happening here… am I so out of touch with he dating world….

 I am a god Christian woman…. I would never think of doing any of those things with someone on a first date…. I would have to know him very well and for a while first 🙂 ….

 So how far is too far…. On a first date

 Kissing, good…                                                     licking, bad

Holding hands, good…..                                    Stroking with hands, bad

Dancing rhythmically, good…..                     Other rhythmic movements, bad

Cuddling till you fall asleep, good                 Sleeping with each other, bad

Tickling, good….                                                   Tickling bad

Touching, good….                                                Touching bad    

 Orgasmic date, good                                           Orgasm, Never bad 😉

Should I really be worried about whether I went to far or not…. I am a grown woman… I am entitled, aren’t I?  And I have known him for quite a while…

 But I do have to see him again…and I should be able to look him in the face, and take this relationship to the next level.

 So how far did I go…..   I will let you know in my next post…            

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





He Proposed…And Of Course I said YES

6 07 2010

Ok…ok… people pick your jaws up off the floor…. I am just kidding….although….

 I was more than impressed by him….. Let me back track a little….

I was seriously nervous about having him over…not because it would sort of be our first date…. But because after I said yes to him coming over for my family BBQ…. I realized it was my FAMILY BBQ….and everyone would be there…aunts, uncles, parents and Jeff, y’all remember him right?…

All those stereotypical families you see on TV… that’s my family…

 I have the old southern aunts that all they sit around and talk about all day everyday, is having a man…needing a man and wanting a man…

I have the uncle who always has to control the grill only to burn most of the food and undercook the rest….

 Then there is my father… well lets just say… I am his daughter and have never been married…and because  am very secretive…he has only met one of my boyfriends, my sons father…so the thought of me being with someone would send him over the top.

Now let me tell you about this wonderful man…. My BBQ was to start at 12pm.  He showed up at 10:30am, to help me get everything set up, and if that wasn’t sweet enough, he brought flowers.  I introduced him to my father as a coworker, which I thought was ok.

 The day went pretty much as I thought it would… I didn’t get to spend a lot of  one on one time with him…trying to balance him and my family…so this was definitely not the ideal first date.  I did however get to see him in action and see how and if he would fit in with my extended family.  He did not disappoint.

 He chatted with my dad as if they were old friends….flirted with my aunts and when I noticed that uncle Johnny was not at the grill, I asked him how he did it and he said…and I quote “I simply told him, I am more than just a coworker, and he is a guest in our home”.       

                                                          I love this man.

 The only problem of the night was Jeff, who was clearly seriously jealous.  But that’s another time, another post.

 The last guest left  “OUR” home at about 11:30… he stayed to help me clean up.

 He finally left at 2am…and I have to say I was very disappointed… he didn’t ask me out again, so I figured either my family scared him off….or he felt we were better off…just being friends…. Oh well it is what it is…

 Then at 2:37am called me…and we talked till 7am…and not once did we mention work or anything work related.  He also asked if we could have a “real date”  and Saturday and of course I said yes… 🙂

 So for the next 4 days… I will have butterflies in my stomach…and I have to see him tomorrow…  I hope I can contain myself…

 So…should I tell him of my huge crush on our date…or should I play it cool….

 We will see

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





My Hearts Tripple Bypass

2 07 2010

The Symptoms

 My heart aches every time you come around, but it also aches when you’re not there.

I pant heavily in your presence and at the thought of you.

It palpitates, I sweat, get wet, I have hot flashes.

I get giggly and giddy.

My legs get weak, my body shivers.

I forget what I was thinking or about to say.

I often stare blankly, daydreaming.

I can’t sleep and when I do I dream of you.

 Diagnoses

HEARTSLUVSITIS — in laymen’s terms, I am in love.

 The Cure

 To bypass — My past hurts and pain

To bypass —  My fears and worries

To bypass — complications, inhibitions and resistance

The Treatment

 To find a surgeon skilled enough to handle my heart with all of it’s delicate pieces.  A surgeon who can hold it tenderly  in is hands as he brings it back from the dead.  Gently kissing it with his instruments, holding it, squeezing, stroking, pumping comforting and assuring it, it will never break again.  Placing it back where it belongs and monitoring it for the rest of it’s life.

                                  To Open my heart and let you in.  Completely

 The Surgeon

 You.  DR. David.  I entrust you with this task.  I have made an appointment to schedule this procedure. 

                                                          Fix me.  Heal me.  Love me.

 So for those of you who may have difficulty reading in between the lines.  I sort of asked him out.  I say sort of because the conversation went like this.

 Me:  Sooo, what are you doing for the 4th

Him: The usual, hanging out at home alone…. You?

Me:  I have some family coming over for a BBQ

Him: Sounds like fun, I like spending time with family

Me: yeah me too, sometimes (nervous laugh as I am about to ask him the big question)

        (WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT…….)

Him: (Laugh) can I come?

Me:  🙂

 So, You got me open, now what, What’s next,

We will see

Good Afternoon Gorgeous,

Hope