I use the term crush…to lighten things up, but I know that it is so much more than that…. And the thought of being in love with someone who may not reciprocate it is a scary one….equally is the thought of being in love with someone with whom you have never gone out with or sat and talked romantically with scary….Heck love itself is scary. Even if that love is reciprocated, to love this hard and give someone that power is dangerous…but what is love if not this…. This is what makes it exciting and desired..
What are the stages of love?
First know that love is a mystery. It does not happen for everyone in the same way. Mine happened as listed…but your list may read differently. For most people the first step is EROS….for me that was later.
Philos – Is where true love begins
You are my friend and I admire you. I appreciate and respect you. You are a trusted confidant. We can talk about any and everything. We are truthful and patient with each other. We have fun together. We like similar things. Our feelings towards each other are mutual, we love each other…We are in love with each other…we just don’t know it yet.
Eros – That physical Thang
Our eyes lock as never before and suddenly we saw each other. We begin to get attracted to each other. It is not about sex. We realize we have more in common than we thought and most of the people we have dated. We truly enjoy each others company. We want to take it to the next level.
The Crush phase. You have seen someone and you thought to yourself “hey he is cute”. This is the phase where you are checking out facial features, body type, shoe size ;), and what they are wearing. If its just a crush, it usually doesn’t go much further than this. You keep it to yourself or snicker about it with your best friend. Adolescents like to refer to this phase as puppy love. They think he is the one…for right now.
You have decided this is a relationship you want to pursue further. So you begin to act chivalrously, trying very hard to make the other person happy, going above and beyond what you would normally do. Even though you may have done a little extra during the 1st phase now you go that extra mile, wearing his favorite colors, buying her favorite flowers, you know she loves horror movies so you go out and watch every one, he is into football so you go to wikipedia and memorize how to play the game and the most important football facts….just to impress. You are attracted to them physically and emotionally at this point.
You are hot for each other. You desire him. Can’t stop thinking about him. You imagine what your life would be like together, what your children will look like. This is usually, but not always, about sex. Not saying that you are having sex at this point, but the thoughts are definitely there.
Now lets remember men and women see intimacy differently. For men, its physical, the act of sex/making love is intimate…for women its emotional, the part leading up to the sex/making love …the talking, sweet words, cuddling, flowers, etc…is intimacy. Not necessarily the act itself…although many women will get physical in hopes of being more intimate.
True love – So worth it
If you both are lucky enough to reach this point together…its a beautiful thing…cause usually what comes next is kissing, marriage and you and he and a baby carriage…life is good.
Agape – That unconditional love that is said to only be shared by God for man. I will add, when this person becomes the center of your universe, you begin praying for them and for them to always be in your life. You can’t imagine what your life was like before that moment you realized you were in love.
So with all that being said… I know the difference between a crush and love…
I cannot remember what I did at work yesterday…but I can remember exactly what he was wearing, his words, his smile and the scent of his cologne.
I am in love…
So should I tell him….. Would you?…
We will see