DROWNING

26 04 2011

 

Hopeless, I’ve given up

Content, with what life had given me

Saddened, by why my heart was missing

Depressed and in despair was all around

So I took a long walk

To a pier I had visited once before

As I let my feet get closer and closer to the edge

I was overwhelmed with fear

But feeling life had nothing else to offer

I continued to the edge

As I looked over at this ocean before

I thought of the pain this could cause

The heartache, the tears

I also thought about the joys of life

The hugs, the kisses, the smiles

The love and the love making

In spite of my mind fighting against my heart

I jumped in and began to drown

Once I was in,

My natural instinct was to fight

I kicked and screamed

Not wanting to succumb to the waves

But my efforts were in vain

My mind gave into my heart

And I began to take you in

I was engulfed

You filled my lungs

My thoughts, my desire were consumed by you

I felt you all around me

Holding me, carrying me, moving me

Loving me

I am completely saturated by your love

You are in me

And I am in love with you

Where you flow I flow

I am drowning in your love

And have no desire to be saved

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Shoulders

2 01 2011

Broad and wide

Run my fingers up and down

Strong and thick

Wrap my arms all around

When I lose

Your shoulders I cry on

When I win

Your shoulders I ride on

 Pressed against me

Brings the greatest pleasure

Lying within them

Bring  feelings I cannot measure

Strong enough for me to lean on

Soft enough to lean on me

Shoulders

Wide enough to protect me from harm

Shoulders

Soft enough to make me feel safe and warm

I love your shoulders

Still Loving and Crushing

Good night Gorgeous

Hope





I’M Craving Chocolate

13 10 2010

Hello Mr. GoodBar

Smooth creamy delight

Alone you are delicious

But add you as a topping, orgasmic

Hot, steamy pour you over cold Ice cream

Stick you in my peanut butter

Drizzle you over my strawberry patch

Swirl you around in my hot chocolate,

Place you between the layers of my cake

Tootsie rolls

Snickers

Nestle up together

Mounds of pleasure

Sometimes I feel like a nut

So much joy

Dipping your whachamacallit it in my kit kat

Takes me far to another milky way

You say around me you get butterfingers

I feel the same, like a complete goober

The sight of you makes me stutter, mmmm

You are driving me nutrageous

I can’t take much more of this

You are worth more than 100 grand

And its payday

Chocolate kisses

Orgasmic

My milk chocolate, your white chocolate

We make a tasty swirl

And you know chocolate is addicting.

                                                                    End

So what should my next move be,

We will see

Till later Gorgeous

Hope





Appreciation, Respect and Gratitude.

10 09 2010

With any relationship Appreciation, Respect and Gratitude go a long way.  One of the most important things you can do to build a healthy relationship is to express these often.

As my relationship has very quickly been taken to levels I never imagined myself in such a short period of time, I have to smile. 

It’s a good thing.

You respect me and I truly appreciate it and I am thankful to you for it.

You respect that I am not a morning person, but I appreciate that yours is the first voice I hear when I wake up.

I respect, “it’s a MAN thing” to always want to pay for dinner, But I appreciate the fact that you respectfully allow me to keep my independence by letting me leave the tip.

I appreciate the fact that you respect me enough to understand what taking it slowly means.  Your right, we have waited this long to find each other, what’s a few more months or years as long as we are together.

I appreciate you doing the dishes, hanging out with my boys and sneaking my keys to go and put gas in my car.

You respect the fact that I don’t like flowers, and I appreciate it when you by them and put them in the waiting area because it makes it “look Nice”.

I appreciate that all though I know I sometimes take you to the brink…. You respect me enough to stop when I ask you to.  I love you for that.

I appreciate and respect you for trying to keep work at work, even when I bring it up.

I appreciate your tone.

I appreciate you standing up for me.

I appreciate the gentle way you take my hand when you feel the need to protect me.

I respect you for your values, morals and faith.

I respect you for understanding why the L word is a hard thing for me to say, Out loud 😉

I appreciate the way you take care of and do things for “our family”, even when you don’t have to.

I am grateful that I don’t have to ask, you just seem to know.

I am grateful for all the little things you do that have such a big impact on my heart and my life.

I am grateful for you being in my life, and being able to finally see you there.

I thank God for you, Everyday.

I am sure he already knows my secret…

Now I am wondering if I should tell him about this blog,  would you

We will see, till then

Thank You Gorgeous

Hope





Are You Listening To me?

6 08 2010

First Date

 

Ok so when he asked me where I wanted to go, I said the typical girl thing…. I don’t know…anywhere is fine…. 

Now mind you, me and this man have had conversations over the past 2 years or so…about everything…and I do mean everything… 

Remember we were just friends and co-workers.  It was not our intention to start a dating relationship.  So our past conversations have been about dating, sex, friendship, love, men and women….we have even talked about our bad dates and given each other advice on our genders and dating.  We have discussed in somewhat too intimate details our likes and dislikes….and now as I sit here and write this… I wonder if somehow in the back of our minds we knew this day would come and we were just preparing ourselves for it….. Anyway… 

I told him I didn’t care what we did as long as I could wear jeans….since my last birthday  I have developed a jean and boot fetish… 

So when he arrived I was happy to see that he was wearing jeans…. An although I could tell they were brand new… I must say, he looked very good in them… 

 I asked where we were going and he said it’s a surprise…. Now let me back track a little… this date had originally been set for 6:30 pm, but during the week when we talked he asked if we could change it to a late lunch type thing and do it around 4:00 instead…of course I agreed, but I couldn’t help wondering if this was because he wanted to get it over and done with….you know do it early so if it wasn’t going well he could breakout and not have his whole night ruined… 

 So as I opened the door…he is holding a bouquet…. Now in past conversations I know I mentioned hate flowers….well hate is a strong word…I very strongly dislike flowers… I know that’s weird…what woman doesn’t like flowers…this one…. I don’t even like fake ones…Now I am thankful and cordial to anyone who gives them to me…but lets just say they are starved for attention and die quickly…so when I see him standing there with a bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries… you know the kind you get from those edible bouquet places… I can’t imagine how crazy I must have looked with he biggest grin ever…because he listened when I said I didn’t like flowers and that chocolate covered strawberries were my absolute favorite thing in the world….wow…. 

 So we get in the car and are not lacking in conversation….but I notice we have been driving well over an hour and a half… so of course now I am wondering if he is that ax murder again and is taking me somewhere where they will never find the body….remember guys I have trust issues…so this is hard for me…. So again I ask where we are going and he says, softly “be patient”…. the nerve. 

 So when we pull up to the parking lot of our destination… I couldn’t help but look perplexed… 

A dinner theater.  Showing GREASE no less….what the heck was he thinking….we drove over 2 hours to see Grease… 

I tried to smile like…. Oh I’ve always wanted to see group of bad and unknown actors react an old 80’s film…but he knows me all to well and before we walked in he said he could tell I was not happy, and asked if I wanted to go somewhere else…of course I said no… I mean we drove all this way…he must be a big Grease fan…. Then he said he thought I would enjoy something like this….WHY… 

He went on to say…. “ When we first met, I asked you , why would you move from a great city like NY to this small country town, and what you missed most about NY, and you told me ‘going to  Broadway shows and dinner with your girlfriends’… so this is the closest thing to Broadway I could think of without actually taking you to Broadway…which I thought might be too much for a first date” 

                                        Aaaaaaawwwwwww 

Can you guys see why I love this man? 

 What could I say….A man who actually listens to what I have said and took it into consideration when planning our first date…. 

The only thing I was thinking is ….somebody is going to get some tonight 🙂 

 SOOOO… the play sucked, but the food turned out to be surprisingly good, the conversation was engaging, the ride home was not long enough, …and we made plans for a second date….can’t wait to see he has planned… 

You guys want me to play it cool, I don’t know if I can.  Could You? 

 We will see.  

By the way those strawberries were perfectly sweet, but they paled in comparison to the taste of his lips.  

We just kissed people. 

 Thank You Gorgeous 

 Hope





Don’t Sweat It

5 08 2010

This is just a side note…. I am getting to the date guys…..

 Call it nit-picking, being fickle or too picky…. But I am one of those women who is hard to impress and easy to turn off.  There are certain test that must be passed for a successful dating relationship.  I know everybody has pet peeves but I think mine are a bit extreme… like  I flip out if my kids just push the cereal bag down in the box instead of folding it….my towels have to be folded a certain way…toilet tissue comes from under not over…I know these are normal right?…

 Because of my peeves I have stop dating some guys and others never even made it to a second date…what are they you ask….

 Outrageous or sloppy chewing, you know the kind when either the mouth is just functioning in a non-human way or food is just flying everywhere.

 Then there is a bad kisser…now kissing, to me is the most sensual thing you could do…. If you want to get me in he mood a good kiss is all you need…I don’t want to be sucked in and digested, nor do I want to go for a swim.  I don’t want to be gagged by your tongue or taste what you had for dinner.  I don’t want my head pressed painfully against a wall.  I want to be left breathless, but not because of the pressure you are  putting on my neck.  My lips are a delicacy, treat them that way…..if you don’t know what to do, just follow my lead.

 Smokers, scruffy faces, mix matched clothes, smelly breath, smelly body, sloppy posture, dirty nails,

 Chest hair, some find it sexy…. I am not one…

 And my absolute biggest one… the one I get teased about by my sister and the one that has stopped me and men in our tracks

                                               SWEATING

                                                                                     EEEEEWWWWW

 I am one of those rare people who does not sweat, so you can understand why.  Now mind you…in extreme heat and I do mean extreme, or extreme cases and I do mean extreme cases of nerves I may let it slide…. But when we are in an air-conditioned restaurant having ice cream, there’s no need.  I am not talking about a drip here or there,  even though well eeewww, any way…I have stopped in the act of…you know what…because of sweat.  As I see it bead up… I lose focus, can’t think, want to run….

 So to answer your emails, I am not married, because I am extremely picky 🙂 …but  I do thank you for your concern and care for me….

 But thanks to Gorgeous, all that has changed….

 So do I tell him, Would you?

 We will see,

Good day Gorgeous,

Hope





Anticipation

29 07 2010

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope