DROWNING

26 04 2011

 

Hopeless, I’ve given up

Content, with what life had given me

Saddened, by why my heart was missing

Depressed and in despair was all around

So I took a long walk

To a pier I had visited once before

As I let my feet get closer and closer to the edge

I was overwhelmed with fear

But feeling life had nothing else to offer

I continued to the edge

As I looked over at this ocean before

I thought of the pain this could cause

The heartache, the tears

I also thought about the joys of life

The hugs, the kisses, the smiles

The love and the love making

In spite of my mind fighting against my heart

I jumped in and began to drown

Once I was in,

My natural instinct was to fight

I kicked and screamed

Not wanting to succumb to the waves

But my efforts were in vain

My mind gave into my heart

And I began to take you in

I was engulfed

You filled my lungs

My thoughts, my desire were consumed by you

I felt you all around me

Holding me, carrying me, moving me

Loving me

I am completely saturated by your love

You are in me

And I am in love with you

Where you flow I flow

I am drowning in your love

And have no desire to be saved





First Date, 1st base or Home Run, How Far Do You Go?

12 07 2010

Ok… I may be a little out of the loop here…. How far do you go on a first date these days….

Back in my day…wow I never thought I’d ever say that….anyway…you never  kissed on the first date and definitely didn’t go any further unless you were that type of girl….

 According to my kids at the youth center…. The game has changed…. First base is no longer kissing or holding hands….but its doing other things with your mouth, the you skip straight to the home run…. What’s happening here… am I so out of touch with he dating world….

 I am a god Christian woman…. I would never think of doing any of those things with someone on a first date…. I would have to know him very well and for a while first 🙂 ….

 So how far is too far…. On a first date

 Kissing, good…                                                     licking, bad

Holding hands, good…..                                    Stroking with hands, bad

Dancing rhythmically, good…..                     Other rhythmic movements, bad

Cuddling till you fall asleep, good                 Sleeping with each other, bad

Tickling, good….                                                   Tickling bad

Touching, good….                                                Touching bad    

 Orgasmic date, good                                           Orgasm, Never bad 😉

Should I really be worried about whether I went to far or not…. I am a grown woman… I am entitled, aren’t I?  And I have known him for quite a while…

 But I do have to see him again…and I should be able to look him in the face, and take this relationship to the next level.

 So how far did I go…..   I will let you know in my next post…            

 Good Night Gorgeous

Hope





I Blogged In Your Zone, Do You Validate?

30 06 2010

Blogging Zone

 

 Crush Crew Commentary 

 Did you know there were 3 steps to blogging? 

 Step 1 

To Write 

 The decision to create a blog is not and easy one.  Since most blogs are about everyday events in the life of the writer, the idea of putting your private thoughts out there and can be scary.  Bloggers take a chance on the “real people” in their lives finding out their inner most secrets.  The blog tells all and spares no one.  

 The true blogger is constantly thinking about that next post.  To the true blogger, posting is not just some nilly willy, combination of words and phrases you throw on a page.  But it is truly art.   An expression of yourself and  extension of the conversation you would have with the world if given a giant mic.  Yes there are days when you just put something together to let your followers know that you are still alive, but for the most part, it takes some serious thought.  

 To write is to breathe.  To release, to distress, to blog.  Blogging has become a great necessity. A part of your everyday life.  A must on your to do list. 

 Part 2 

To read 

As bloggers we are connected to a special community.  A community of like-minded people who have decided to put their world on display.  And although there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there that makes us unique.  We are bold, daring, inspirational, blunt, brilliant and sometimes foolish.  So we want to see who else is out there. 

 We read the blogs of others to get inspiration for our own.  To get encouragement that writing about one’s life is not a self-centered, egotistical thing to do but a much-needed dose of medicine that society desperately needs.  Proven by the fact that there actually other people doing the same thing.  We read to bring excitement to our own somewhat mundane lives.  We read so that we can say, Hey someone else is worse off or in the same boat as I am.  We read because if its something we should have thought of , are surprised by, or are passionate about, we get to put our 2 cents in, without writing a whole blog about it.   And we read for validation.  For ourselves and to each other. 

 Part 3 

To validate 

 Lets face the truth here.  We all want validation for anything we do in life.  Blogging is no different.  Well there is one difference, we crave it.  Desperately.  We check our stats, constantly, and smile big when we see them go up.  We get all giddy when our inbox says “comment reply”.  And if we get a “please moderate” we leap for joy, because this means a new reader. 

 As bloggers, we love to write, but nothing brings us greater joy than to be READ.  It means our voice is being heard. 

 How do we validate each other, by leaving comments.  Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Have you ever had a conversation with someone, only to have them not respond to you or give you a blank stare…. You just know they are not listening and you feel like you are wasting time trying to talk to them.  There is no conversation it is a lecture, only no one is listening. 

 Leaving a comment on someone’s blog is one of the most important things you can do for a blogger.  (outside of making the fressly pressed page of course 🙂 )Comments is a way of saying I hear you, I don’t have to agree with you, but I hear you. 

 Comments allow us to have a conversation with our readers, even if just for a moment.  

 Think about this, when you call someone and get their voice mail, you leave a message.  Why because you want them to know you called.  Or when you go to the doctor, don’t you tell them you are there.  Even better, would you go to someone’s home, use their bathroom, eat their food, watch a movie with them and leave without even saying “HELLO”… no because that would be rude.  You don’t go to a restaurant and eat and leave without paying the bill, but more importantly leaving a tip, because the tip is a validation of good food and service.  

 As a blogger, I am happy to see my stats reach into the thousands….but I am even more happy when I know who those readers are and what they thought of what I wrote. 

The Golden Rule…. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… 

 So the next time you read someone’s blog, whether it’s about the world cup, body image, Obama, BP oil spill or their beautiful little girl,  take a moment to validate them.  Take a moment to leave a comment, to let them know you were there.  Isn’t that what you want for your blog. 

 And while I enjoy all the personal emails, after all that is why I make sure my email address is in every post 🙂 leave me a comment in the comment box, not email…or at least leave the comment first, then email me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate all the great friends I have made and speak to via email…but you guys email me such great comments, I’d like to share them with all my readers. 

 And remember the ultimate validation is reposting someone’s great post on you blog.  So feel free to repost this one 🙂 

 Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog…and giving me the validation I needed to continue blogging….and I thank you in advance for the comments you will leave. 

 Crushing on you, 

 Hope





LOVE, Who?

14 06 2010

Anyone who has loved and lost, will tell you they made the “VOW”…. The vow to never let someone get that close to their heart again.  The one that says no one will ever hurt me like that again.  And in making that vow…we do everything in our power to keep it….some of us choose not to date at all…or just have some quickies or one night stands…we choose not to see someone we could potentially like…in an effort to cure and protect our hearts, but only to end up causing more damage.

 It’s easy to look at the next potential suitor and find nothing but negatives to hold on to that pain…you don’t want to imagine giving someone that much power over you again…. You may go out with someone…and find reasons not to go out again or get serious…we put obstacles in the way…and find problems with them that don’t exist….  We are afraid of being hurt again…

So you let love pass you by…

 We seem to focus on the negative parts of the past relationship….the fights …the disagreements…the pain caused at the break up…

 We forget about the joy of being in love itself…. The way it made us feel and the world look different…. The holding of hands, kissing, and touching…. That wonderful tickle in your stomach when you thought of,  or see him…

We forgot laughing at jokes that only we found funny…and talking about things we never thought any one would understand…going to bed and waking up with a smile….knowing that no matter what happened in your day it would be all better when you see that special someone…talking on the phone until sunrise and playing you hang up, no you, no you….

 We forgot how the anticipation of seeing him…made your heart be faster and the time at work go by quickly…. How we would use something he said to take us away in thought and force a smile where normally there would not be one….how one word, one touch, one kiss, could make you forget all the worlds problems and issues and take you to a paradise that is only found by love…and the only pain you felt was in your cheeks from smiling so much…We forgot being happy.

 We  forgot laying in each others arms and never wanting that moment to end…and  how while in love we could not imagine, not being in love…

 Thank you for helping me remember…

So should I tell him,  would you?

we will see…

Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope





I Don’t Want You To Want Me To Want You To Want Me…

11 06 2010

I don’t want to want to see you everyday

I don’t want  your smile to be contagious

I don’t want your eyes to show me life with you

I don’t want your words to excite me or mine to excite you

I don’t want to hear you laugh

I don’t want to know you better

I don’t want you to call me or to hang up

I don’t want to sit down and eat with you,  watch a movie, or listen to music together

I don’t want you to bring me flowers, candy or gifts

I don’t want to kiss you goodnight or good morning

I don’t want scream your name

I don’t want to know what it feels like to lay in your arms

I don’t want dream about you when I am asleep, and think of you when I am awake

I don’t want say goodbye

I don’t want cry for you or miss you

I don’t want to marry you

I don’t want share or build a life with you

I don’t want you to always be there

I don’t want to hear you say I Love You

I don’t want you to want me

I don’t want to want you

 I don’t want to do any of these things or love you,

 But I Do……..

  Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope





Do You Love Me Check ___Yes Or ___ No

5 06 2010

I Am Falling In Love With You

I use the term crush…to lighten things up, but I know that it is so much more than that…. And the thought of being in love with someone who may not reciprocate it is a scary one….equally is the thought of being in love with someone with whom you have never gone out with or sat and talked romantically with scary….Heck love itself is scary.  Even if that love is reciprocated, to love this hard and give someone that power is dangerous…but what is love if not this…. This is what makes it exciting and desired..

 What are the stages of love?

 First know that love is a mystery.  It does not happen for everyone in the same way.  Mine happened as listed…but your list may read differently. For most people the first step is EROS….for me that was later.

 Philos – Is where true love begins

              Friendship

 You are my friend and I admire you.  I appreciate and respect you.  You are a trusted confidant.  We can talk about any and everything.  We are truthful and patient with each other.  We have fun together.  We like similar things. Our feelings towards each other are mutual, we love each other…We are in love with each other…we just don’t know it yet.   

Eros – That physical Thang

Our eyes lock as never before and suddenly we saw each other.  We begin to get attracted to each other.  It is not about sex.  We realize we have more in common than we thought and most of the people we have dated.  We truly enjoy each others company.  We want to take it to the next level.

                  Crush

 The Crush phase.  You have seen someone and you thought to yourself “hey he is cute”.  This is the phase where you are checking out facial features, body type, shoe size ;), and what they are wearing.  If  its just a crush, it usually doesn’t go much further than this.  You keep it to yourself or snicker about it with your best friend. Adolescents like to refer to this phase as puppy love.  They think he is the one…for right now.

              Courtly

You have decided this is a relationship you want to pursue further.  So you begin to act chivalrously, trying very hard to make the other person happy, going above and beyond what you would normally do.  Even though you may have done a little extra during the 1st phase now you go that extra mile, wearing his favorite colors, buying her favorite flowers,  you know she loves horror movies so you go out and watch every one, he is into football so you go to wikipedia and memorize how to play the game and the most important football facts….just to impress.  You are attracted to them physically and emotionally at this point.

              Passion

 You are hot for each other.  You desire him.  Can’t stop thinking about him.  You imagine what your life would be like together, what your children will look like.  This is usually, but not always, about sex.  Not saying that you are having sex at this point, but the thoughts are definitely there. 

             Intimacy

 Now lets remember men and women see intimacy differently.  For men, its physical,  the act of sex/making love is intimate…for women its emotional, the part leading up to the sex/making love …the talking, sweet words, cuddling, flowers, etc…is intimacy. Not necessarily the act itself…although many women will get physical in hopes of being more intimate.

       True love – So worth it

 If you both are lucky enough to reach this point together…its a beautiful thing…cause usually what comes next is kissing, marriage and you and he and a baby carriage…life is good.

 Agape – That unconditional love that is said to only be shared by God for man.  I will add, when this person becomes the center of your universe, you begin praying for them and for them to always be in your life.  You can’t imagine what your life was like before that moment you realized you were in love.

So with all that being said… I know the difference between a crush and love…

I cannot remember what I did at work yesterday…but I can remember exactly what he was wearing, his words, his smile and the scent of his cologne.

I am in love…

So should I tell him….. Would you?…

 We will see

 Goodnight Gorgeous,

Hope