Anticipation

29 07 2010

Anticipation, Anxious, Apprehensive, Anguished, Agitated, Avid, Anticipating,

 Questioning why we put this date off for a whole 7 days…. I mean why did we have to do it on a Saturday…. We are not kids in school who could not go out on a school night….….right…anyway..

 As each day passes I am anticipating this date more and more… I don’t want to get my hopes too high of it being the perfect date… I have a tendency to do that from time to time… I will build something up so much, and when it happens it’s a let down… I don’t want that to happen here so I am going to try not to think about it too much…as if…

 So…on Friday night… I could hardly sleep…. I am in my bed tossing and turning like a child waiting for Christmas morning…. I keep waking up to the clock to finding that only minutes have passed…I finally get up at 7 am which is a big thing for me… I am not a morning person… I purposely schedule myself for the late shift so I can sleep in…. But this day I cannot….

 I am filled with anxiety all day long….finding my self counting down the hours….constantly checking the mirror and looking out the window to see if he comes early…

 I feel like a school girl with a crush on a teacher… knowing this love if forbidden, but daring my heart to stop…

I am twitchily wondering about my house trying to find something to do to busy myself and pass the time…

 As it gets closer to the time I can feel a flurry of butterflies hatching out of their cocoons and into my belly..

What will we talk about… what will I eat… will I be able to eat….

                                                    Uuuugggghh

 But why am I feeling this way…. I have sat and had dinner with this guy hundreds of times… he has been over to my home…we have played games…and have spent much time alone…why am I so nervous and feeling like a teenager going on a first date…..oh wait…. I am …well not a teenager of course…

 So I sit patiently…trying on several different outfits….. Restlessly  checking makeup and changing jewelry…

Anxiously tapping my fingers, flipping channels, checking the dial tone…

Wondering if this is a smart move, this date…. Taking this step, is it too late to cancel?

               Doorbell

                                                      BREATHE

 So should I tell him,  or Play it cool :), what would you do?

 We will see

 Good Day Gorgeous,

 Hope

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10 responses

29 07 2010
Abby

Play it cool!

3 08 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

i’m trying

29 07 2010
Vodka and Ground Beef

Tell him you’ve taken several anti-anxiety meds, had two-five shots of bourbon, and some Frosted Flakes just to take the edge off because “everything is riding on this date,” including (and use the pronoun “our” a lot”) “our family, our house payments, our furniture selections, and our pets.”

See what he says – if he’s still down to go out on the date, you’ve got a KEEPER! If not, then totally my bad, and I’m sorry in advance.

Alright – have fun.

3 08 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

lol… that might scare him away…lol

29 07 2010
kidfriendlyja

two more dates then
tell him
tell him
tell HIM!!!

hope you had fun

3 08 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

ok…. 2 more dates…maybe 3….lol

29 07 2010
soodenim

reading your post made me think about what i would say in response if someone were thinking those thoughts about me…

my response.

Do I want you to know that I think about you often? …
and that often is an understatement? Do I want you to know that just the thoughts of being around you causes that stupid schoolboy grin on my face, that vacant dazed look in my eyes, that total loss of concentration that makes the simple operation of power tools a hazard to myself and anyone that’s standing too close. Do I want you to know that being around you is even worse… that I find myself counting backwards from 100 while I’m having conversation with you just to keep myself from looking you in the eye and losing my composure, Do I want you to know that my eyes only desire is to embrace you in the way my arms were designed to hold you. Do I want you to know that when you aren’t looking that they do? Do I want you to know that the primary consultant in my life on the subject of women told me that you were the one for me?… well, she’s actually never met you and she didn’t say “YOU” specifically, but she did say “settle for nothing less than the best”. Do I want you to know that I play this childish game because I know that I’m not THE best, but still want you to feel that I would be the “best for you”?

Do I want you to know that when we are in the same room that even if I can’t see you that I feel your presence in a real and palpable way? Do I want you to know that “stress” for me, is my brain struggling to override my desire to reach out and brush that one perfectly out of place strand of hair out of your eyes? Do I want you to know that the stoic and controlled person that you think you know me to be is really nothing more than a front that I keep in place to prevent me from scooping you up in my arms every time that I’m around you?

Should I want you to know that (I DO want you to know that) if we were to go out together, that I will at some point stumble over my words, make some Freudian slip, or demonstrate the reality that both of my feet are left ones, and that they’re both made of clay? Do I want you to know that when these things happen that I want you to laugh, and that I’ll laugh with you because I realize how ridiculous this game I’ve been playing is?

Do I want you to know that there is no real “big red “S” on my chest” and that I’m just a man…

…one who has fallen under your unintentional spell?

i do.

3 08 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

D…. you know i like this…thats why i wanted you to post it here…i also had an underhanded reason….since you post from a male point of view…i’d like to imagine your words are the words of my crush….lol…. hey anyway i can get it right…lol

31 07 2010
QueenPinky

Of course you should play it cool. But you wouldn’t be playing because you are ultra cool!

lol, I stand by my word that he doesn’t need to know for YEARS. I think it will be the cutest thing for you guys to be sitting around at breakfast years later and you just say oh yea, by the way…. oh the look on his face.

(^_^)

3 08 2010
cosmeticsb2

Awesome blog! I haven’t noticed hopelesslycrushingonyou.wordpress.com before in my searches!
Keep up the good work!

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