Single Mommy Seeking Mate…Must love kids

17 06 2010

Mommy I like your Boyfriend, can we keep him.

Ok this may sound funny coming from me…but trust me I do have some good dating advice…. I have been dating for a while and have learned some pretty good tricks when it comes to dating and the single mom….

 When you have a 12-year-old son who is determined to be the only man in your life and ruin every relationship you have… you have to be tricky…

 First let me say as a mom…and this is my personal opinion….maintaining the respect of your children, especially the boys is very important…. Remember boys treat their girlfriends and wives as they treat their moms…most of the time anyway…you don’t want your children to see you marching an army of men into your home introducing them to your family as daddies and uncles….and if your children are young…they may look back at it one day and think…wow…my mom had a lot of boyfriends…and I don’t mean that in a nice way…this also means that if you are planning on being “intimate”… your children should not know this…I will teach you tricky ways to do this in a later post….

 And for all you women who claim there are not enough good men in the world…raise the sons you would want to marry….for future generations sake…raise good men…

 Anyway back to the subject….so in dealing with my 12-year-old I have learned…. That when his guard is down…it is safe for me to date…

 First, and again this is for women who are looking for a serious relationship and potentially marriage, let the man know up front you have children.  No surprises means no surprises.  You cannot hide children, so he will find out.  Tell him up front…he ask your name tell him…he ask what you do for a living….”I am a single mom of 2 who works at a hospital”… this will let you know in your first few minutes of conversation where he wants to go with the relationship.  Watch his facial expressions, you cannot hide that and it will say it all.  If he is still there, follow-up with question to him like does he have kids, etc… this will let him know that your kids are the most important thing in your life.

 Ok so he is still interested in you.  You go out on that first date….don’t be afraid to talk about your kids to him.  Now if you read a lot of those men’s magazines they will tell you this is a no-no.  But look at it like this…one of your biggest interest is your kids…and of he is not interested in them…he is not interested in you… the reality is being with you is being with them…I am not saying the whole conversation should be about your kids….but by the end of that date he should at least know their ages…be tricky…. Use your feminine wiles..

Sample Bad Convo

 Him: So what do you like to do in your spare time

You: Play with my kids

Him: Oh,   sooo do you like sports

You: I don’t have time for sports just my kids

Him: so what do you like to do for fun

You: Play with my kids

 Sample Good convo

 Him: So what do you like to do in your spare time

You: Wow…my spare time is my me time, no kids…it could be a spa day…or a nice date, smile

Him: Oh,   So do you like sports

You: I am not really big on sports, but my 9 year old just started playing midget football, so I have been really getting into foot ball…just learning the game, how bout you…do you like foot ball

Him: Love it

You:  good… so when we have some questions about the game we can ask you

Him: absolutely, so what do you like to do for fun

You: I have to say, I am having fun now (smile),  but are you talking about kids fun or adult fun (wink)

Ok success you have a second date…you are still mentioning the kids but now you want to find out his views on kids… in a round about way…does he want kids…if he has kids what is his relationship like…Quick Note…if he is not taking care of his kids, do not have a relationship with them or complains his ex is only after money, 9 times out of 10…he is not going to be good with your kids…

 So you have a had a few couple of dates…and things are going well…by this time he should know your kids names, age, what they look like,  and favorite things…

 How will you know when he is ready to meet the kids…when he brings it up…if he is truly getting interested in you and wants to pursue the relationship to that next level…then he will let you know…its time to bring the kids in on the relationship.  After all he feels like he knows them…because they have already been a part of the relationship.  Ok so you have now tricked Eh Hum, prepared the man.

 Tricking the kids (practice restraints)

 As a mom you know the biggest key to anything you do is preparation.  You want to introduce the fact of mommy dating to them.  Invite a cousin or other male family member over to dinner or watch a movie…if you have a male friend (not Boyfriend, just friend) have him over…

  Now the real stuff…This is where you will have to practice restraints….you will have to not allow the kids to see you kissing, touching, being intimate, etc….it will ruin what I am about to tell you and it will not work…

 During the first meeting the kids MUST be distracted… the ideal situation… if you child is having a birthday party invite him over (providing your ex is not a trouble maker).  He will bring a gift, thus pleasing the kid…and the child will be more involved with what’s going on around him than the fact that you brought a date to his party.  No birthday coming up… invite the first meeting to be somewhere inconspicuous. A chucky cheese or McDonald’s play ground.  You and the kids go first and have him meet you there.  Introduce him as your friend…. Not daddy, they already have one and if it doesn’t work out no loss of a dad…and not as uncle…because if it does work out…well there are things that family should not do with each other…

First meeting went well, don’t move him in just yet….

 Future dates, invite him to your child’s game, dance recital or play, go bowling, roller skating to the park…again having him meet you there.. He should interact with the kids with you. The object is to get them to like him.  If the kids like him you are good to go… you are also seeing how he is with them…if it turns out he really hates kids…its easier for you to deal with the hurt of a break up, than for him to hurt your kids…

 Once your kids have established he is a good guy, invite him over to dinner…do something fun before dinner, and after, letting your kids know it would be a good thing to have him around.  Continue going out on dates with just him…then start with him and the kids….also just you and the kids…let them know they are still important in your life…

If the kids like him… you are in there…

 This I learned from my 12 year old…who really likes my crush, and is trying to get me to like him.  Yall didn’t think I was going to do all this writing and not mention him did you? 🙂

 Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Afternoon Gorgeous,

Hope

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6 responses

16 06 2010
QueenPinky

I really like the idea of getting him involved by inviting him to the kids events. I will remember that. Khyra is not old enough for “events” quite yet but I will keep this in mind.

Wise as always, QueenHope.

QueenPinky ♥

18 06 2010
Angelia Sims

That’s really cute and great advice too. 🙂

18 06 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

Thnak you… i am glad you liked it..

19 06 2010
sayitinasong

I totally agree with you! Be completely upfront and honest from the beginning, if you think mentioning kids from the beginning will ruin your chances with him… well, he is not the one for you… you want a MAN not a boy… if he flinches and runs…well, good riddance…lol…

19 06 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

lol… absolutely…and you save youself some heartache in the long run….

21 06 2010
luiscongdon

This article really shows your sensitivity to your child. You must be a great Mom.

You will know when it’s time to tell your child, but it sounds like your child is showing you that he is open to you dating someone.

I agree that it’s good for a guy to know that you have children. Even more important though is that you have shared yourself, and children are a big part of who you are (who any involved-loving parent is). By telling the guy you have a child you make it easier for YOU to decide if he is worthy of you.
Thanks.
http://www.lovelikewater.wordpress.com

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