Mommy YOUR Grounded

15 06 2010

Is it ok if mommy dates?

As a single mom dating is a very difficult thing and almost out of the question….and not just for the reasons you think.  Most times you would think its just because of the kids….and that is a big part…but there are other issues that are rarely talked about they are the blockers…. In slang terms “blockers” are people who stand in the way of your happiness, what ever that may be… it could be a girl who is jealous a guy likes you instead of her….a jock who feels he is a better player than you…and so forth…

 For a single mom children are not blockers, but a part of the goal….the goal to find true happiness that will include, not exclude your children.

  Blockers are the in-laws, friends and children’s friends.

 The in-laws… the people who cannot get over the fact that you are not with their loved one anymore….but unfortunately…these people are a part of your children’s lives …so they then feel like they can step in whenever they want.  So when you do finally bring your new “friend” around them…all they want to talk about is your ex…the things he did and the way he did them…your friend can’t handle the drama so he is out.  BLOCKED.

 Then there are your friends…who either don’t like him for you because they like him…or don’t like him for you because they don’t have anyone or are not happy and want you to be that way….so they begin to find things wrong with him…they point out things you have never noticed, and you decide it’s not worth it.  BLOCKED

 Then there are your children’s friends… the ones that talk to your kids about what it would be like to get a new dad….how mom is not going to be around so much…and all her love and time is going to go to him…they tell your children they will be forgotten about and pushed aside….causing your children to dislike you friend  BLOCKED

 When first embarking on dating as a single mom…we must first decide….why are we dating…. Are we just looking for some fun, romance, passion, a relationship or all of those choices….

 If dating for fun, romance, passion…that is relatively easy…because really no one has to know…. You get a baby sitter and go out on a business meeting…no harm done…

But when looking for a relationship….the problems start…you must first find someone who is suitable for both you and your family…something which is hard to do at first glance…so you must decide…do you tell him about your family right away…the answer should always be yes… you let him/her know up font what they are getting…then there are no surprises and less heartaches…

 Now for moms this is where it gets really hard….now your getting closer and you have to decide when is the right time to meet the kids…because if it doesn’t work out the kids could be hurt….and if you are dating a lot…you don’t what to seem like the type of woman who has a lot of male friends…and confuse the kids with so many daddies and uncles…

 So you get tricky… you have the kids meet him, without him being your boyfriend or date…. He just happened to be in the same place…this way you can see how good he is with the kids and they can like him without even knowing it…and before you know it…one big happy family…

 More dating tips and tricks later….

 So now my kids like you…..now what…

 So should I tell him, Would you?

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

 Hope

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4 responses

15 06 2010
luiscongdon

My first serious relationship was with a single mom. It was hard for all the reasons you give. Her friends were very protective of her, understandably. She was not sure if it would work out between us because of her child. I thought it was cool that she had a child, but it made her feel more cautious, more nervous, more afraid of what could go wrong.

I definitely learned a lot about myself in that relationship. I learned that when another person’s child is introduced to me I become more attached. Like it becomes more serious all of the sudden, when a kid is involved it feels more serious.

http://www.lovelikewater.wordpress.com

15 06 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

thank you so much for sharing this…. a lot of times we single moms are so focused on our children getting her…we forget about our partners…. i plan to do a part 2 to this….i will definetly talk a bout that point….
your comment was great…. thank you again

Hope

16 06 2010
QueenPinky

Oh friends and relationships. I just had a talk with my bestfriend about being subjective about my male friends. I don’t believe she falls under the same issues as the friends you listed but friends emotions about male friends can definitely affect how they give advice. Nothing is more useless to me than a friend who hates my boyfriend, saying “Oh, girl he’s a dog, just leave him alone.” That’s not enough to help me feel like I understand what is going on in my brain and my heart. Good friends give advice that will actually help.

16 06 2010
hopelesslycrushingonyou

yeah… you know your true girls always have your back… but as women sometimes…we work off emotions…and sometimes a little jealousy does creep in…
Hope

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