ok….. I have to admit I already have several BLOGS on this site. I cannot tell you which ones they are because this is one time I actually do not want to be identified. Where do I begin.
When I was a teenager, my teachers would always have us do daily journals…. To express our feelings… I hated these…. I would never have anything to write about daily. I would sporadically write something when something exciting happened which wasn’t too often. On the rare occasion I would write about a boy I liked.
However, I have always enjoyed writing…. I am a published author and have written over 200 songs and poems. I have written for several magazines and even the media at times…. But I just could not get that journal thing.
A few years ago I found myself in love for the first time…and guess what I did…. You guessed it… I started a daily journal… for the first time I wrote about something everyday…. The joys and pains of love its ups and downs….and of course the break up. After that break up I of course stopped writing. Until now.
Here I am some 10 years later, and I find myself falling again. So of course I write. This time it is for different reasons. I wrote before to express the love I was experiencing because I wanted to share it with others and him…. This time I write because I cannot say what I want to say to him….I have a serious crush….
I have never crushed so hard on someone in my life and I can’t believe at my age I have such feelings. Its not that I am afraid to tell him…. In fact I truly believe he knows…I mean I have been acting like a foolish school girl every time he comes around. If you new me you would not believe I could have a crush on someone and not tell them…. I am probably the most vocal person you could ever meet…in the past if I saw a guy I liked I would never wait for him to ask me out…I would just step to him and ask him. And you would think that at my age, which is over 35, I would not get shy now. But its not that simple…its complicated…and this guy is different.. He is nothing that I would ever have thought myself to be attracted to, don’t get me wrong he is gorgeous and has a body like a gladiator among other great attributes we will talk about later.….and we have known each other for a while…and I never thought of him that way….until one day he was sitting in my living room and he turned to say something to me…and as corny as it sounds, it was like his eyes shot a bolt of electricity straight to my heart….and I gasped, out loud… he asked me what happened… I said I had the hiccups….dummy…but what happened…I don’t know…. This guy has been coming and hanging out with my family on a regular basis for almost 2 years and I never even saw him until that moment. And that moment changed everything.
After my last relationship I of course said those words everyone says…. I will never fall again…and I meant it…for 10 years I dated and had complete control of my feelings….never falling…
So how did I get here…. I don’t remember falling…what has this guy done to me and how…
What do I do next….do I tell him…. I can’t…is complicated….why is it complicated….we’ll talk about that tomorrow….until then….goodnight Gorgeous.