DROWNING

 

Hopeless, I’ve given up

Content, with what life had given me

Saddened, by why my heart was missing

Depressed and in despair was all around

So I took a long walk

To a pier I had visited once before

As I let my feet get closer and closer to the edge

I was overwhelmed with fear

But feeling life had nothing else to offer

I continued to the edge

As I looked over at this ocean before

I thought of the pain this could cause

The heartache, the tears

I also thought about the joys of life

The hugs, the kisses, the smiles

The love and the love making

In spite of my mind fighting against my heart

I jumped in and began to drown

Once I was in,

My natural instinct was to fight

I kicked and screamed

Not wanting to succumb to the waves

But my efforts were in vain

My mind gave into my heart

And I began to take you in

I was engulfed

You filled my lungs

My thoughts, my desire were consumed by you

I felt you all around me

Holding me, carrying me, moving me

Loving me

I am completely saturated by your love

You are in me

And I am in love with you

Where you flow I flow

I am drowning in your love

And have no desire to be saved

When Did We Fall In Love

When did we fall in love?

When did we fall in love

Was it the first time I heard your name

Was it the first time our eyes locked and you said hello

Was it our first date, when you touched my hand

Or the first time we kissed and you touched my heart

When did we fall in love

Was it the first time I screamed your name

As we laid in a sweet embrace

Making love all through the night

 was it the first time we said I LOVE YOU

When did we fall in love

Was it when I took your name

Or the birth of our 1st, 2nd 3rd child

When did we fall in love

Was is when I whispered your name

50 years from now

As we reminisce on our life together

And look into each others eyes for the last time

The answer is yes

Yes to all of these

For every time I see you

 I fall in love all over again

 Sill Gorgeous, Still Crushing

Happy Valentines Day 

Still Gorgeous, Still Crushing

Shoulders

Broad and wide

Run my fingers up and down

Strong and thick

Wrap my arms all around

When I lose

Your shoulders I cry on

When I win

Your shoulders I ride on

 Pressed against me

Brings the greatest pleasure

Lying within them

Bring  feelings I cannot measure

Strong enough for me to lean on

Soft enough to lean on me

Shoulders

Wide enough to protect me from harm

Shoulders

Soft enough to make me feel safe and warm

I love your shoulders

Still Loving and Crushing

Good night Gorgeous

Hope

A Picture IS Worth 1000 Words

What do you see

The end of thinking

There was a time when we used our fingers and made lines on paper to add

When our math wasn’t too hard for our parents to help

Dinner was prepared on a stove and cooked with fire

When we sounded out words then used a dictionary to look it up to see if we were right

When we counted by 5’s to tell the time….

When essays were hand written

When we asked our grand parents about history……

When you were not allowed to bring a gun anywhere near where the president was….

Water was free

When we valued human life above animals…

When people thought BEFORE they spoke

When freedom of speech was attached to common sense

When we used our voices to communicate with one another…

When friends were people we met, knew and physically spent time with….

When we were man or woman enough too look someone in the eye when breaking up with them…

When first base was touching of hands

And at the end of a date you hope for a kiss

When our intimate moments we shared with each other and not the world via internet….

When we said I Love You and meant it and not ily…

When people looked you in the eye instead of down at computers, cell phones, and blackberries…

When photos were proudly displayed on the walls of homes, wallets and in photo albums….

When parents were not ashamed to listen to music in front of their children…a time when parents were adults.

When kids asked for change not cards

When children were afraid of getting in trouble by their parents, not the other way around

When mothers and daughters didn’t borrow each others clothes

When a horror movie scared you and not turned you on…

When celebrities were people had a talent

When we learned skills from tag and dodge ball and were not considered bullies…

When teachers hug and children had respect….

When exercise was not done via video game

And children actually went out side to play

Every home had a phone

And our biggest fear about flying was crashing…

 And in GOD we trusted

How are you spending the time you have been given

Spend it wisely

It is

Slowly but surely, fading….it is the end of time

You Are Delicious

When I woke up this morning you were the first thing on my mind

I look down and see 1, 2 special little treats

My mouth begins to water as I take you

One in each hand, fit so perfectly

I gently fondle and caress you

As I contemplate what I am going to do to you

I lay you out, with oils so you easily glide in and out

small circles I stir

I watch as you turn from this soft mass

into a hard delight

Wrapped around the meat that is laid between

I watch you rise and pulsate

You are just about done

I can hardly wait as I anticipate you entering me

I open wide and take in more of you than I can hold

Your juices burst out and onto my chin

I want more so I go in

U R the best way to start my morning

U R Delicious

Don’t you guys just love a steak and egg omelet first thing in the morning

 still crushing,

Hope

I’M Craving Chocolate

Hello Mr. GoodBar

Smooth creamy delight

Alone you are delicious

But add you as a topping, orgasmic

Hot, steamy pour you over cold Ice cream

Stick you in my peanut butter

Drizzle you over my strawberry patch

Swirl you around in my hot chocolate,

Place you between the layers of my cake

Tootsie rolls

Snickers

Nestle up together

Mounds of pleasure

Sometimes I feel like a nut

So much joy

Dipping your whachamacallit it in my kit kat

Takes me far to another milky way

You say around me you get butterfingers

I feel the same, like a complete goober

The sight of you makes me stutter, mmmm

You are driving me nutrageous

I can’t take much more of this

You are worth more than 100 grand

And its payday

Chocolate kisses

Orgasmic

My milk chocolate, your white chocolate

We make a tasty swirl

And you know chocolate is addicting.

                                                                    End

So what should my next move be,

We will see

Till later Gorgeous

Hope

Breakfast In Bed

The Best Way To Start Every Morning

 

Your scent wakes me up in the morning 

Strong and alluring 

Whispering my name 

You lay before me hot, steaming and inviting 

My eyes widen as I see the meal that is set before me 

I thank God for the abundant portions 

The thought of tasting you makes my mouth water 

What should I try first 

Such decadent sweet delights 

I just dive in 

Mmmmmmmmmm 

I taste you on my lips and feel you move through out my body 

From my throat to my stomach to that place of sweet release below 

I can feel every inch of you 

Mmmmmmmmmm 

You fill me up as you enter 

My every craving you satisfy 

The extra weight you put on my body is welcomed 

Caressing my every curve 

Mmmmmmmmmm 

Sweet mountainous sticky buns, erupting with a sweet tangy syrup 

Bursting through my lips , dripping down onto my sheets 

I am full and completely satisfied 

Aaaaahhhhhh 

You are a delicious and worthwhile treat 

I lick my lips and anticipate lunch 

                                                                       END 

so what’s my next move, What would yours be? 

we will see 

till then 

Good Morning Gorgeous, 

Hope

Insert Data Here

Click here to listen to song while you read this http://www.jango.com/stations/113273623/tunein?proxy_id=43950248&song_id=189790

I called you today, made an appointment with your secretary

I booked a meeting room for us

Just you and I, no need for anyone else

We got a situation we need to work out

Gotta schedule some time alone,

We got some work to do

I’m gonna need you for an hour

maybe 2

You know what you better clear your schedule

Today

and tomorrow too

Theres a meeting in my bedroom

Don’t be late, Don’t make me wait

Hold all my calls, drop them files on the floor

Clear this desk, I’m gonna lay it out for you

Take some dictation, use your fingers to type out what you want

No jobs to big or small

Just put your thoughts and ideas on the table

I guarantee we will cover them all

Pull up a chair, Lay back relax, clear your  mind

Don’t worry I booked this room all day

So we got plenty of time

let me back up those files, Were almost there

You deserve that  raise for all the hard work you’re putting in

Insert Data Here

Type a letter or maybe 3

S-E-X

What’s your objectives,  What is the desired outcome

At the end of this meeting the participants will be able to

Do anything their hearts desire

I know your tired

Been working hard all week

I know just what you need

I’m gonna deliver, you just sign the release

Gotta love this job

It has the best perks and benefits package

Insert data here

Save, print file it under G ….. Best presentation ever, A job well done

Lets schedule a follow-up meeting next week

so what should my next move be, what would yours be

we will see

till then

meeting ajourned

Good Day Gorgeous,

Hope

ADDICTED

I crave it, longingly want it

Spend my whole day thinking about it

The thought of consuming it fills my desires

 I am addicted

 Goosebumps at the thought of it

My body aches as it yearns for it

My first thoughts in the mornings are aspirations of acquiring it

Even after having my fill of it, I hunger for more

 Nothing but my addiction can quench this insatiable thirst

I lust after it, I need it, I want it

I require a fix, a dose of it

Not just a small dose, but I want to overdose

Too much is never enough

 Holding it my body shivers, tasting my lips quiver

Getting it takes me to a place of nostalgia

I am floating on air

Bliss, peace, sweet release

 There is but one cure, more

 You gave me my first taste and now I am hooked

Only you know what I need and can provide me with it

 Each time I need more and more

 Every pore in my body pines for it

 I call you to get my fix

 You provide

 I am addicted to you

 You are my drug of choice

 You feel so good

 I don’t want to ever come down from your high

 You’re a bad habit, I’ll never kick

So what’s my next move, what would yours be

we will see

till my next fix

Good Day Gorgeous

Hope

Warning! Do Not Read If You Are Alive, Others may read on.

I don't believe we were put together, not to be together.

WARNING!!!  The following content should not be read while sitting next to or in a room of random strangers.  Only read this content at a time when the appropriate actions may take effect.  Product may cause heart palpitations, sweating, mouth watering, hips to move in an uncontrollable fashion, wondering eyes (also known as inappropriate stares) sporadic and fantastic nerve sensations and in some extreme but not rare cases leakage from unmentionable parts of the body.

 In the event that any of the above symptoms should occur.  Seek help immediately.  Contact the desires of your affection and give it to him.  Proceed with caution as product may cause fantasies and animalistic behaviors.  Be gentle with object of desire as he may be confused and overwhelmed by your reaction to this product.

 Product warning: Do Not read while driving.  After effects may cause drowsiness.  May be taken on a full or empty stomach.

 Use product responsibly, manufacturer not responsible for hook ups or pregnancies that may occur as a result of said product.

                                       What Turns you on?

 Tall or short, bald or hairy, muscular or not….lets face it…men are sexy….and although we women are emotional creatures…we all have a little got to have him moment in us.  Whether this moment was the moment you will regret for the rest of your life or the moment you will never forget we all have or will experience it.

 Have you ever seen someone so FINE they made you say D@#%,  and you are a good Christian woman who has never said a curse her life.  Someone who looked so good your mouth dropped and you stared so hard it made them uncomfortable.  You literally drooled.  Someone who actually made your body quiver. You realized before you saw them, you were holding your boyfriend, husbands, or mates hand and now you are uncontrollably rubbing your chest and tugging at your shirt.  You ask yourself who is this Adonis, and wish you had paid more attention in your Greek mythology class. You begin to give God praise for his wondrous works.  You would never refer to another human being as a piece of meat, but you all of a sudden understand where the term “Beefcake” comes from.  You failed french class, but begin to speak it fluently, oooo la la Voulez–vous coucher avec moi ce soir (look it up).  You lose all sense of language and begin to ramble incoherently.  Your sweating in places you never knew you could sweat.  As you walk by, your legs buckle and you can feel the eggs in your uterus tapping on your belly in morse code spelling out HE’S THE ONE.

 Towering over you at 6’2  is the real man of steel with his cape blowing in the wind.  Ready to leap on you in a single bound.  Flawless skin, with eyes that suck you into his soul, where you see yourself dancing and skipping though a field of lilies.  Lips that speak the words ‘KISSABLE ALL DAY LONG”, surrounded by the sexiest gotee you have ever seen.  Arms that are so strong it puts Arnold Schwarzenegger to shame.  A chest that sticks out, not in a breasty sort of way, but you can tell he works out.  Nice clean and well-groomed hands and nails.  A six-pack that makes you determined to get drunk and a butt that is firm and perfectly rounded.  Strong muscular legs, and dare  mention a size 13 shoe ;).  He is the type of guy that will make your girlfriends hate you, forever.

 You feel a surge of power you have never felt before.  All of your teachings of a good girl go out the window.  You have decided this is the man of your dreams.  You will spend the rest of your life with him.  You have planned the wedding, named the children and the dog.  You would be a fool to let this one go.  After all it’s the year 2010, you can make the first move.  He is just to scrumptious to leave this one to fate.  So you decide to go in for the kill.  Your chest rises, your heart pounds, your hands get sweaty, you do a quick check in the mirror, lick your lips and….. He looks at you and smiles and you turn and quickly walk away…..NO…NO…NO…. Stupid hard to get gene…not now….you turn back….but it is too late, he is gone.

 As you walk down the street kicking yourself and yelling at yourself (in your head of course) like a crazy person.  As you curse the fates for playing such a cruel trick.  The hairs on the back of your neck stand up.  And you realize he is following you.  You ask yourself  “Is he following me”.  He is.  All of a sudden, the very man who was just the man of your dreams becomes a psychotic stalker and serial killer you saw on the news last week. You pick up pace.  He yells “Excuse me”. You turn.  He’s standing in front of you.  His pheromones are sending you into a complete frenzy.  He says some corny line.  You stare.  He ask your name.  You tell him.  And from there a conversation ensues.  You dip into the nearest coffee  shop and spend the next few hours just talking.  As you speak you realize he is more than just a gorgeous face.  He is very eloquent, well-educated, loves kids, and you have a lot in common.  Your suspicions are confirmed.  He is the one. 

Thank you fate.

 I don’t believe we were put together, not to be together…

Should I tell him,  would you?…

 We will see

 Good Morning Gorgeous,

Hope

THE CRUSH CREW, going Against The Grain (OW)

sssshhhh, The big boys are reading

Today I dedicate my post not to my crush, but to you.  Who? You, yes you who are reading this right now.  Why because you have inspired me to continue this blog journey.  What do you mean you ask, well pull up a chair lets blog a bit.  I was thinking of stopping my blog.  Until I checked my stats and subscribers list and saw I actually have a following dedicated people who look for me everyday, and I can’t let them down.  Why would I stop you say.

 Well,

  I recently questioned the powers that be, on the choices for the freshly pressed topics.  Let me warn you, never go against the grain, unless you are strong enough to get scratched.  But of course I wouldn’t be me if I weren’t so vocal, and I have got plenty or scars and scratches to prove it. 

 Anyway, I ask some simple questions about getting chosen.  I was told two things, one my blog was too new.  Ok can’t disagree with you there, that’s fine.  But then I was told, pretty much that it was uninteresting, limited, and that I needed to broaden my topics….

 What the French Toast Vanilla Bean Cheese Cake 😉 had to mention him of course…eh  hem

 Webster’s defines blog as follows, Blog: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer.

 I’d like to take a minute to focus on the word personal.  That means its me, all me and all about me.

 Who am I to say or think a persons blog is limited or not interesting enough if it is PERSONAL.  It is their life and what is the most powerful and important thing in that life.  Can I say that a woman’s child growing up and her posting photo’s every day of that child is not interesting, can I say that a man posting photo’s of his dog on his couch is boring, or can I say that a video blog of an owl in a nest 24/7 is limited and not life changing….no I cannot no more than I can say a woman posting her trials of breast cancer or a man journaling his life for his children as he dies is.  It is personal and not for me, but YOU, to choose.  But if it were not for these blogs where would our choice be.  How would we know what is interesting or not to us.  What we find boring or exciting, if we never knew it existed.  There are so many blogs that, that fact alone makes our life broader.

 Sure I could sit here and talk about the BP’s oil spill, …its still leaking,  Or I could talk about Sandra bullock at the MTV music awards, …she is the same loveable person she was before, its Jessie James who has changed.  I could even talk about President Obama, love him, but he is doing his job….like a parent does for their children, it’s the presidents job to get blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong in America.

 But these topics are not my muses…that one great thing in MY life, my motivation, my love, that thing that inspires, the voice that allows me to go on and be me….. For me that is my crush. 

When I want to write about something other than my topic, my crush, I visit other peoples blogs and leave comments.

 I understand for many, blogging is a way of life and a job.  And I have to be honest, if I was offered a salary, TV show, radio to do this I would of course take it and so would you.  It is every bloggers dream to have their blog read and admired by the world. But it is not the reason we do it, or at least I do it.  I don’t live to blog…I blog to live.  To ease life as I know… to speak my mind…to let my voice be heard about something that is important to me.

 I mean if you really think about… isn’t life just a blog…what you read in the newspapers, see on TV, read about in book, hear on the radio,…. These are all just someone’s thoughts, said out loud.  Sometimes its interesting and sometimes is not…sometimes its limited and sometimes its broad…but its always personal.

So if after this post my blog suddenly disappears, I have been captured by the powers that be….help me…lol.

And to those of you who have chosen to follow me.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have applied BPR (Blog Printing Resuscitation) on my heart and allowed me to continue another day.

 So should I tell them, would you….

 Yes I will tell you, my followers…. I have a crush on you….

 I deem you, THE CRUSH CREW Club, Stand up, let your voices be heard, Go forth and multiply, bring others to the club.

go against the grain, follow/subscribe to this blog… Join us….

 We’ll talk,

 Hope.

Cleavage, Cake & other Crazy Crush him Contraptions

Leaping hurdles for my crush

Cleavage, cake and other crazy crush him contraptions Ok….so this guy had been in my face for 8 months, before I “saw Him”. When he first came around I would actually distance my self from him. I would go in my office and do work or go play with one of the other kids…the other women would always comment on how attractive he was, I hadn’t even noticed. Honestly I didn’t. They would fawn all over him, and I would just sit in my office and laugh…and sometimes so would he. We would actually laugh together at the tactics that were not working. So I had a heads up in the game and didn’t even know it….because now it is me fawning.

So how did I finally see him….we had been sitting in my office talking and joking about something, when he made a comment about me not being like the other women in the office, and he liked that…. then he looked at me and smiled…and although I am sure I looked into his eyes plenty of times when we talked…I mean that’s just common courtesy and my mother raised me right, anyway… I looked at them that time and we just stared a each other then all of a sudden, KA-BOOM, flashes of light, and sounds of clinging cymbals… one of them doggone kids had done threw he basketball to the light and the drum set. When we got up to go check on things, he put he put his hand on the small of my back, to kind of say ladies first out the door, and shocked me….now it could have been the static cling from the carpet….but I’d like to believe it was much more. From that moment on I have never looked at him the same.

                            So let the Fawning games begin.

Luckily for me the weather was breaking. So when my clothes bean falling off it wasn’t so obvious what I was doing. What was I doing…..well we already had that PHILOS connection (see previous post), and now I had to set Eros in motion. I had to make him notice me the way I had now notice him. So my neckline dropped to show off these beautiful and natural 36 D’s. My clothes got a little tighter to expose these well rounded booty and hips that could easily come in 3rd in a contest with J-Lo and Beyonce…and let us not forget this smooth, creamy and tantalizing caramel skin that will make any man just want to drop to his knees and lick my….eh hem, I forgot this blog is G rated….those of you who are old enough continue to imagine…those of you who are too young to understand, I was going to say Caramel apples like the ones you get at the fair :)…. Whew!…anyway…

I had read in cosmos, that men were turned on by lavender and pumpkin spice So all of our cleaning products and deodorizers were now lavender scented. I tried 11 different perfumes until he finally said “wow you smell good today”. After realizing that the other days I obviously smelt bad… I now only wear that perfume just to be on the safe side. We already knew we both like the same sports team, which is not our towns team…so I made some phone calls to friends of the manager, a perk of being a well published author, and scored him some fabulous football tickets and a players meet and greet. Now that I look back at that, I should have gone with him…but oh well…I even wowed him with a one of a kind Christmas gift that he has been wanting since he was a boy…. I searched high and low for it… put in a lot of effort to find it… never left my home, thank God for eBay.

And the final bomb was of course the old wives tale “the way to his heart is through his stomach” it took me so many tries I baked cookies, cakes, parfaits, pumpkin pies ;)…you name it. The kids at the youth center thought I had lost my mind, but they loved every minute of it. It would be too obvious to make it for just him so I had to make enough for everyone. When he came to my home I made fabulous dinners…but nothing…he enjoyed them…but nothing …then he told me of a dessert his mom use to make for him….as bold as I am I was not going to call his mother…so I did the next best thing. I looked it up on the internet… I made it and he loved it. And he called me the perfect woman. I have made it 3 times for him so far, is that overkill, it gets a rise out of him every time….not that kind of rise, remember this is G rated.

So you must be thinking, this girls is a nut, and then your thinking, clearly he is crushing on her too.  She should tell him how she feels.   Again I say its complicated.  There is still more to this story.

So should I tell him….. Would you?…

 We will see

 Goodday Gorgeous,

Hope

Do You Love Me Check ___Yes Or ___ No

I Am Falling In Love With You

I use the term crush…to lighten things up, but I know that it is so much more than that…. And the thought of being in love with someone who may not reciprocate it is a scary one….equally is the thought of being in love with someone with whom you have never gone out with or sat and talked romantically with scary….Heck love itself is scary.  Even if that love is reciprocated, to love this hard and give someone that power is dangerous…but what is love if not this…. This is what makes it exciting and desired..

 What are the stages of love?

 First know that love is a mystery.  It does not happen for everyone in the same way.  Mine happened as listed…but your list may read differently. For most people the first step is EROS….for me that was later.

 Philos – Is where true love begins

              Friendship

 You are my friend and I admire you.  I appreciate and respect you.  You are a trusted confidant.  We can talk about any and everything.  We are truthful and patient with each other.  We have fun together.  We like similar things. Our feelings towards each other are mutual, we love each other…We are in love with each other…we just don’t know it yet.   

Eros – That physical Thang

Our eyes lock as never before and suddenly we saw each other.  We begin to get attracted to each other.  It is not about sex.  We realize we have more in common than we thought and most of the people we have dated.  We truly enjoy each others company.  We want to take it to the next level.

                  Crush

 The Crush phase.  You have seen someone and you thought to yourself “hey he is cute”.  This is the phase where you are checking out facial features, body type, shoe size ;), and what they are wearing.  If  its just a crush, it usually doesn’t go much further than this.  You keep it to yourself or snicker about it with your best friend. Adolescents like to refer to this phase as puppy love.  They think he is the one…for right now.

              Courtly

You have decided this is a relationship you want to pursue further.  So you begin to act chivalrously, trying very hard to make the other person happy, going above and beyond what you would normally do.  Even though you may have done a little extra during the 1st phase now you go that extra mile, wearing his favorite colors, buying her favorite flowers,  you know she loves horror movies so you go out and watch every one, he is into football so you go to wikipedia and memorize how to play the game and the most important football facts….just to impress.  You are attracted to them physically and emotionally at this point.

              Passion

 You are hot for each other.  You desire him.  Can’t stop thinking about him.  You imagine what your life would be like together, what your children will look like.  This is usually, but not always, about sex.  Not saying that you are having sex at this point, but the thoughts are definitely there. 

             Intimacy

 Now lets remember men and women see intimacy differently.  For men, its physical,  the act of sex/making love is intimate…for women its emotional, the part leading up to the sex/making love …the talking, sweet words, cuddling, flowers, etc…is intimacy. Not necessarily the act itself…although many women will get physical in hopes of being more intimate.

       True love – So worth it

 If you both are lucky enough to reach this point together…its a beautiful thing…cause usually what comes next is kissing, marriage and you and he and a baby carriage…life is good.

 Agape – That unconditional love that is said to only be shared by God for man.  I will add, when this person becomes the center of your universe, you begin praying for them and for them to always be in your life.  You can’t imagine what your life was like before that moment you realized you were in love.

So with all that being said… I know the difference between a crush and love…

I cannot remember what I did at work yesterday…but I can remember exactly what he was wearing, his words, his smile and the scent of his cologne.

I am in love…

So should I tell him….. Would you?…

 We will see

 Goodnight Gorgeous,

Hope

DISCLOSURE

First let me say to those who read my blog.  Thank you and i appreciate you taking the time to read my Blog.  About my Blog -IT IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.  While this is truly my life,  it is my life and in no way am I giving advice or counseling anyone on what they should do in their own situations.  These are my thoughts and my opinions.  Follow at your own risk.  While I love the comments I have received, if I have chosen not to approve your comment it is because it may not have been appropriate for this blog.  I will not use real peoples names or identifying information in any way.  Because I choose to put my self out there on this blog, and I know I will eventually be found out, others may not want that.  So please think about what you write…I reserve the right to approve or disapprove any comment. and please do not get hurt if all your comments are not approved… I love hearing from you…and I will respond to you privately…

Crushed By The Norm

So….  Today is going to be a quiet day…He does not come around on Fridays…I won’t see him again until Monday….I do have plans tonight with a guy friend of mine… I have been dating guys, although I am crushing on Gorgeous, I will tell you about them later…but tonight nothing special, probably just a movie….and no I don’t like him…although I know he is crushing on me, I have made it very clear I do not feel that way…. we are just friends and no more…let me tell you a little about him so when I refer to him you know who I am talking about….

Lets call him…Jeff (not his real name of course)… Now Jeff is a special one…. He would be the perfect guy… He is handsome, has a good job, 2 kids and has been a faithful and true friend…he gets my jokes and I get his…and I can always count on him to have my back, no matter what the situation… We always have a ton of fun together and I do like having him around… I have known him since my sophomore year of high school, over 15 years… our relationship started out with him crushing me…. He would always bother me, chase me… you know the things young boys do…but we never connected in that way…although there was one night of you know what…that wasn’t bad…but I just felt the friendship was more important…

 So you  may be thinking… Why not him?…well although our relationship is great on so many levels…. I am just not attracted to him… don’t desire him….when I think about him… I laugh…not at him…but at the fun we have together….Its never I want to hold him and have him hold me or be with him in any other capacity but to laugh…When I think about Gorgeous,  my heart races and I fell movement and other things all over my body, my mind and that does not mean what i feel for him is sexual, he makes me laugh too and we talk about evything except my crush on him of course, we also have a lot in common… more on that later… Anyway… Jeff and I  are very good friends now…we talk about everything…. Well almost… He doesn’t know about my crush…. Only because he knows him well and I wouldn’t want there to be any tension… He tends to get a little jealous when I go out with guys, although he says he is cool with it and wants to remain friends… He is a good friend, he is that male friend that every woman should have… The one they can talk to about your male interest and he will give you an honest answer… He still on occasion makes mention of us possibly being together….but its just not there, sometimes I wish it were, but its not…I can truly say I love Jeff…but I am not in love with him…

 Who knows….maybe he will write a blog like mine one day….

 …. so what do you think….should I tell….. We will see….

  Good Morning Gorgeous,

 Hope

Crushing Complications – Part 1 – Mine

Ok …what are the complications….lets start with mine….

 From the time I was young, I have always had a distrust of men….mind you…this is the first time I am truly speaking about this…. I do this because I think it is very important and relevant to my crush situation.

Any how,  at a very young age, I was molested on several occasions (typical) by a very trusted  family member and a family friend…..before you start crying for me…I was one of the lucky ones….these molestations were light compared to some…in that there was no penetration (not for lack of trying)….but there was a lot of shame involved on my part….I also witnessed my father be a adulterer for most of my life…  Screwing with the minds of so many women…. It made me think they were weak…and I did not want that to be me. I then watched my brothers grow up and be the same way…..so I was determined not to be that woman that I saw them leave crying on the doorstep or begging and pleading with them not to go…  So …while most little girls dreamed of their fantastically outrageous wedding…. I made up in my mind I did not want to have any thing to do with men…I did not want any relationships, no falling in love no crushes or anything romantic…..I did however want to experience sex at least once and I did want children, I had planned to adopt 12.  At the age of 13 I did develop a crush….on Michael Jackson…but who didn’t….he was the only man that I was willing break my vow for.

This plan worked for me up until I was about 30.  By this time I had 1 biological child, so the sex thing was covered, more than once or twice….and I had already adopted 2 babies…so I was a single mother of 3.  I had dated several guys….never allowing myself to get attached or emotionally involved.  I had even had 2 marriage proposals…..both I turned down… I was not in love and did not want to be….until I met Raphael (not his real name …just sounds so cool)….he changed my heart and my world…and then he crushed it…. He was not the one for me….he was married and although he did leave his wife for me….I turned into that weak woman I did not want to be….so I had to walk away… was hurt and again determined not to go down that road again.

Ten years later, (oh no….now you know my age)…here I am…and this time I don’t even know how I got here….with Raphy…I saw it coming…we talked, dated kissed fell in love….with gorgeous it was just one day he was here and the next …those eyes, that look, I was in love….it was like one of those clichéd movies you see on TV…and not my life….but  as I write this and sit back and read it….Oh My God…it is my life…I am the big screen hopeless romantic with the crush on the guy net door…. We know what always happens in the movies….the girl always gets her man….will this be my reality…or will our issues hold us back from our one true love….I am sure I will talk more about my issues later….and tomorrow I will tell you his….so what do you think….should I tell….. We will see….

Goodnight Gorgeous.